German Luxury Car Makers Form A-HOLE Joint Venture for Self-Driving Vehicles

Funny story written by Moe Nightwalker

Thursday, 25 December 2014

image for German Luxury Car Makers Form A-HOLE Joint Venture for Self-Driving Vehicles
Same attitude, no hands

GERMANY - Leading luxury car manufacturers from Germany today announced they have formed a joint venture for the development of self-driving vehicles for the U.S. market.

The Autonomous Hands-Off Luxury Engineering (A-HOLE) Group promises an ultimate, best or nothing, truth in engineering, no substitute self-driving experience for their good-looking, wealthy, intelligent, and otherwise superior customers.

"We recognize that our customers are among the world's elite individuals, who deserve a car that reflects their attitude," explained Franz Holtzen, A-HOLE chief engineer. "Our cars will be programmed to run stop signs and red lights when necessary, or just for the hell of it. Parking in handicapped spaces, fire lanes, and other illegal places will also be a priority. And naturally, turn signals will be disabled, especially when pointlessly changing lanes or excessively speeding."

Holtzen claims that A-HOLE cars will have another distinct advantage on the road. "These special cars will use V2V (vehicle to vehicle) communication and on-board cameras to determine when a car from a less prestigious manufacturer is nearby and will assume a more aggressive driving mode to, for instance, blow through a four-way stop intersection. Korean and American vehicles will naturally be programmed with the lowest possible prestige level."

The A-HOLE group closed out the announcement by saying A-HOLE equipped cars would be available with special lease incentives, for A-HOLEs who can't really afford their products but don't mind overspending to impress people, mostly high school kids.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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