Obama Introduces Educational Reforms

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 31 January 2015

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Emperor Obama Summons a Press Conference on Education 'Reform'.

To a packed gathering of invited newspaper journalists at the Press Room of the White House, President Obama has announced sweeping reforms of the U.S. education system.

The speech was greeted by rapturous applause,... except for one man whom security had to bundle from the hall for swearing obscenities about "lies!", "damned hypocrisy!", and "fascist mind control!".

Here is the speech in full.

In the light of the alarming rise of terrorism, much of it directed overtly and covertly against the United States, my colleagues and I, in consultation with numerous professors, administrators, teachers and educational foundations notably the Carnegie Institute and the Tavistock Institute in London... we have proposed important changes in our educational curriculum, especially for the ten to fifteen-year-olds group.

These measures will be put to all state education departments as mandatory in terms of our national defence. From now on, there will be more emphasis on physical training and sports and less on the liberal arts. There will also be increased time given to history and the struggles for freedom that have gifted this great country of ours with civil rights and freedom. There will be a focus on geography and how foreign countries are run, as well as on science, economics, legality and mathematics. The Humanities of course will not be neglected; but there will certainly be a greater shift towards the pragmatic skills and disciplines which our great industries need and without which our economy is impossible.

Last but not least, it seems important, if not urgent to us in these trying times, that a new academic subject be introduced among this age group to help them understand the real world we all must live in.

We have called this subject "Economic Ethics" and much attention will be given to it. It's aim is to combat the growing antipathy towards how our great nation is run. It is an antipathy fostered by internet activists and by militant left wing fundamentalists whose mission is to overthrow way of life, our democracy and our system of government.

Their association with known terrorist groups around the world is well known to us and we must face this challenge head on. Our children are exposed to this poison daily and we propose these changes to our education system as the only viable antidote to withstand such unethical practices.

Through Economic Ethics our children will be taught to understand the fairness and moral soundness of our social system, its true origins and the real architects who fashioned it. They will be taught to value the creative industry and flair of our most successful entrepreneurs, many of whom have authored the books that will be included in the syllabus; and which all students will be required to read.

They will learn that it is this backbone of successful businessmen and entrpreneurs who keep America working; and who alone have made it what it has become... the wealthiest nation in the world. They will understand that these courageous few, the so-called "One Percent", among whom they can be included as our Constitution promises, who are the very heart of our philanthropic reach towards those underdeveloped countries not as fortunate as we. For the sake of humanity this is something that should never be put in jeopardy by those heinous internet abusers of our most cherished democratic right... freedom of speech.

Children will be taught how our magnificent banking system helps and fosters the righteous ambitions of these gallant few and how Congress is sworn to furnish them with what they require for the wellbeing of our country.

They will understand above all, the immorality and illegality of attacking these, our fellow citizens, as the terrorists are determined to do. On the contrary, it is their moral duty, by the use of their skills and intellect to help these makers of our world to grow even richer and more successful so that they can help more and more people around the world to find freedom and democracy. Amen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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