Jesus's Lost Parable Found

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 13 December 2014

image for Jesus's Lost Parable Found
That which was 'Lost' has been Found.

The Synod of Hippo in AD 393 was a gathering of Catholic bishops who established the contents of the Bible. A definitive list of books now currently in use did not come into existence until the Council of Trent (1545-63) was set up to counteract the Reformation by bringing clarity to the Church's teaching.

Biblical scholar Dr. Flynn O'Toole from Trinity College Dublin while doing research on the Bible was given access to Vatican records of all 25 sessions of the Council of Trent and discovered, to his amazement, that in a consensus revision of the Vulgate ( the official Latin version of the Bible) a full parable of Jesus's had been deliberately left out by a general vote. 255 members had signed the decree leaving this important text out altogether.

Here then is the lost parable. Jesus is speaking to his disciples shortly after He drove the money changers out of the Temple of Solomon.

"There was a Tax Gatherer called Ishmael who had many vineyards and olive plantations. He was also a usurer and God had blessed him with four sons. As he lay dying, he summoned his sons to him. And he told each to go to the far reaches of the earth. "When thou hast arrived at a city," he commanded them. "Thou wilt set up a place of usury in the market place. And say onto the people; "I will lend thee money out of the goodness of my heart; but unless thou workest by the sweat of thy brow; and thy kith and kin work also to pay off my loans with interest thou shalt be cast into the eternal pit."" And the sons said; "Thank you Father for being so kind to us. We will do as thou hath commanded us."

And so, they didst go off into far lands and gathered much treasure onto themselves. Once a year, they would meet to discuss their plans and boast about their wealth.

They learnt that if they loaned money to the rulers they could use the might of the rulers, their laws and offices, to expand their business so that nobody would ever dare question their power or take up arms against them. And the rulers themselves would be forever in their debt, just like their subjects.

The more wars the rulers waged, the more money they would need and thus the richer the sons of Ishmael became. Fomenting war and conflict thus became their aim... nation against nation, man against man.

And it came to pass that God having pity on the suffering multitudes who laboured in the fields to pay off their debts sent His Only Son into the world to preach the Good News of His Father's Love for Mankind. And He built a church. And the people rejoiced in His Name.

Then Satan said to the rulers of this world. "If ye but kill this man His Church will be thine to rule in thine own image."

And so, they roused the rabble to seize Him and kill Him. Then they took over His Church and called themselves by other names. "See! Your God was but a mortal man after all," they told the mourners.

Then, they gathered the people in one place and said onto them: "The Lord our God hath commanded thee to give taxes to His Church. Unless thou workest by the sweat of thy brow; and thy kith and kin work also to pay off your creditors with interest, thou shalt be cast into the eternal pit."

Dr. O'Toole was arrested at Dublin airport and all his belongings seized. But he had managed to email a copy of the missing parable to his wife before he left Rome. His whereabouts is still a mystery.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more