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Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

Funny story: Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

THE VATICAN—Pope Francis, in his new encyclical Masturbationes Licit, has now opened the practice of masturbation to some, but not all, Catholics. Said Pope Francis, “Given that our esteemed clergy appear to have—how do you say?—too much unrequited...

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Isle of Wight News - family sue 2017 for being too modern

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - family sue 2017 for being too modern

A family from Ventnor are trying to sue 2017 for being too modern. "There's a natural order in the universe," said father of two, Dick Womble. "And that's the order ordained by God." According to Mr Womble, the invention of indoor plumbing, su...

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Original Bible Discovered

Funny story: Original Bible Discovered

The original Holy Text was discovered this week at a remote Middle Eastern location no one has ever heard of. Using radio carbon dating, researchers were able to determine that the bible was approximately 4,000 years old, eerily close to two times 2...

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Jesus Makes a Confession: " I messed up…"

Funny story: Jesus Makes a Confession: " I messed up…"

In a late afternoon press conference, Jesus made a shocking confession: "I screwed up." "I don't get to say that very often, but remember that I'm only mostly divine, you know? Nobody's perfect - well, except my dad. The Creator rarely messes up,...

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Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Funny story: Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Lynchburg, VA--Donald Trump, speaking at Liberty University, the conservative Baptist college first endowed by Jerry Falwell, Jr., began his address to his young audience by booming, "I love the Bible! The Bible is the greatest book ever written! I...

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Papyrus of Ezekiel's Last Prophecy Discovered

Funny story: Papyrus of Ezekiel's Last Prophecy Discovered

Last year, archaeologists digging in Iraq near Al Kifi discovered what they claimed was the tomb of the Hebrew Prophet Ezekiel. World media made light of the find because it had always been believed that the great prophet was buried in England at Wes...

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Yorkshire Psalms: Psalm 23

'Em Lord is us shepherd; us shall not lack. 'E shall make us to be lyin' down in all 'em pastures green, aye lad; 'e is leadin' at me beside all 'em still waters, oo eck! 'E has been revivin' at us Northern Souls; 'im guides me in all them paths of rahteousness for 'is name's sake 'n' that. Aye, though I shall be walkin' through 'em valley of that shadow of death, as it were; I shall not...

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Jesus's Lost Parable Found

Funny story: Jesus's Lost Parable Found

The Synod of Hippo in AD 393 was a gathering of Catholic bishops who established the contents of the Bible. A definitive list of books now currently in use did not come into existence until the Council of Trent (1545-63) was set up to counteract the Reformation by bringing clarity to the Church's teaching. Biblical scholar Dr. Flynn O'Toole from Trinity College Dublin while doing research on t...

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Vatican to reboot bible in 2015

Funny story: Vatican to reboot bible in 2015

Catholics around the world have been screaming "blasphemy" all day after it was revealed that the Vatican will reboot the Bible next year and write a new "more modern" version if it for release in the summertime. The Vatican made the decision du...

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Pastors Say Jimmy Carter Is Going To Hell

Funny story: Pastors Say Jimmy Carter Is Going To Hell

Two North Carolina Baptist pastors are observing President Jimmy Carter's 90th birthday by suggesting that he might go to hell for saying that Jesus wouldn't discriminate against LGBT people. Pastor David McManus accused Carter of embracing the "h...

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Gideon Bibles Popularity Due To People Making Emergency Rizla Papers Out Of Them

Funny story: Gideon Bibles Popularity Due To People Making Emergency Rizla Papers Out Of Them

The secret of why there is still a continuing presence of Gideon Bibles and not wank magazines in hotels which lone businessmen frequent was released under the "Freedom of Information Act" this morning. The thin paper which the specially made Kin...

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Jesus and Disciples Were Not Present When da Vinci Painted "The Last Supper"

Funny story: Jesus and Disciples Were Not Present When da Vinci Painted "The Last Supper"

Milan, Italy - An international panel of art experts and historians has unanimously agreed that Jesus Christ and his 12 Disciples were not actually present and did not personally sit for Leonardo da Vinci when da Vinci painted his famous mural "The L...

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Being a cross dresser is traditional

Funny story: Being a cross dresser is traditional

Recently, transgender and transvestite (hereafter called trans) individuals have been lambasted by so-called Christian sects in the US as being against God, and yet, proof has emerged that being a cross dresser pre-dates Jesus. "It's in the old te...

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Tetrad news: Exodus 12 warned about Tuesday's bloody Passover eclipse

Israel - Tonight's Tetrad is the first of four eclipses mentioned in the Bible that warns about the time when Passover begins 'on the evening of the fourteenth day of the month' just as an apocalyptic blood-red eclipsed full moon wreaks havoc with t...

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Relative Success of Movie Noah Sparks Hollywood Interest In Other Bible-based Movies Completely Devoid of Biblical Accuracy

Funny story: Relative Success of Movie Noah Sparks Hollywood Interest In Other Bible-based Movies Completely Devoid of Biblical Accuracy

With the relative success of the recently-released movie 'Noah', staring Russell Crowe, there is buzz in Hollywood of making additional feature-length motion pictures based on Bible stories that are (almost) completely devoid of the events of the act...

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Book Review - The Bible by God

A kind of heavy read with a lot of references to death, plague and famine. There are some references to slavery, sex and there are parts of this book that I felt contained too many references to violence and torture. Split into two parts I found part two far more entertaining than part one, especially with the introduction of the 'Jesus' character. Not much happens for the first thirty y...

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Holy water breakthrough. Healing water to be sprayed on people by Papal crop sprayers

Funny story: Holy water breakthrough. Healing water to be sprayed on people by Papal crop sprayers

A concentrated form of holy water, prepared by methods similar to those used for Homeopathic medicines is to be used to bless the entire world every week. Squadrons of adapted crop sprayers are to take off from Cathedrals around the world on massive...

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Moses refuses to work with "God" in new Riddly Scott Production

Christopher Bale, who is playing Moses in Riddly Scott's Biblical Epic currently filming in Almeria, southern Spain has downed Commandments and refused to work until God is sacked. God, who is in charge of natural sun driven lighting on the stric...

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