A look at next year's Oscar contenders

Funny story written by Patrick Parkinson

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

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Here is a sneak peak of some of the films that are predicted to do well at the 2015 Oscars.

"Fists of a Father"- a hard-hitting (pun intended) drama about the horrors of life under a tyrannical and violent father, seen through the eyes of his daughter, set against the back drop of the Korean war. Based on a best selling novel, although heavily edited for the film version. Starring newcomer Naomi Cunningham who will give such a great performance it will guarantee her an Oscar for best actress and be followed by a disappointing career where she will slip into oblivion. Her name only ever being mentioned in "whatever happened to..." articles..

"Ashdown: the movie" - Daniel Day-Lewis plays former Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown. Focusing on his failed attempts to get his party to power in the UK and detailing his troubled relationship with his cynical mother.

UFC Badger - Up for the best animated feature is this film by Pixar. George Clooney voices an anthropomorphic badger called "Punchy" who decides to follow his dream and become a cage-fighter in Ultimate Fighting Championship despite the protests of his badger parents. The songs alone will have people dancing in the aisles of cinemas everywhere.

Billy's Problem - John Goodman may as well collect the best actor Oscar now for this film. He lost ten stone to play an anorexic sheriff Billy Tarble. The film has a great performance by Goodman but has no actual story or plot to speak of as the film's box office draw is reliant completely on the sight of a thin Goodman. It's an hour and a half of him trying on clothes.

"My friend Stalin" - based on an elaborated version of something that may of happened. Adam Sandler steers away from comedy to be taken seriously by the academy awards for once. Sandler plays the Russian dictator Joseph Stalin and the film concentrates on his friendship with his gay hairdresser (played by Michael Fassbender) who he does not know is a US spy living in Russia putting on an accent. The two's friendship is tested when the hairdressers real identity is discovered, however Joseph forgives his lies when the hairdresser teaches Stalin how to love his wife better.

Once upon a time in Iraq - Quentin Tarantino's tale of blood and revenge is set during the Iraq war In 2003. Samuel L Jackson narrates, Christoph Waltz plays a smiling but evil UN weapons inspector. History is mainly ignored here but there is an amazing performance from "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"'s Carlton, who plays a drug lord looking for his cocaine stash in Fallujah.

Into the black - grim documentary from Uzbekstan's genius of cinema Zyna Yemimov. Tells the gripping story of crab collectors in Uzbekistan. Shot in black and white and with subtitles to deter any regular cinema-goers from watching and allowing true film snobs a reason to feel good about themselves when they make it all the way through.

Understanding Rebecca - Woody Allen's new film is different from his other movies. Instead of being about a group of white middle-class therapists eating in restaurants, drinking wine, going to the opera and having affairs with each other, it will be about a group of white middle-class teachers eating in restaurants, drinking wine, going to the opera and having affairs with each other.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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