Taxidermy to be Compulsory in US Schools

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 6 October 2013


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Goodbye little fella.

At a special meeting of Hollywood moguls, and for the first time in a decade, Lucifer appeared in person to announce some startling political and educational reforms. With him were some select members from the Bilderberg cabal, Henry Kissinger, Bill Clinton, Rupert Murdoch and two banking members of the Rothchilds. After the usual toasts and child sacrifices the Dark Prince looking splendid in his tux got to the point:

"We have grown stupid and negligent with regards to our education system around the world. Common Purpose is globally trying to put things right I am happy to say, thank you Tony Blair and your clone Geoff Mulgan, but we must apply new strategies. Our children must be taught from an early age that they are expendable THINGS and replaceable.

However trivial this may seem to some of you, I suggest TAXIDERMY be made compulsory in all schools and colleges!

The experience of eviscerating, stuffing, dressing and preserving small dead animals can only be good for us. Hopefully, when students are conditioned to this wonderful experience they will be taught how to kill animals themselves in the cause of science.

This will also help raise the suicide rate among the young which is sadly declining. Any other notion such as personality, selfhood, etc could prove very injurious to the economy and detrimental to our armed forces. On that score, we have to do more to enforce and condition the public mind as to the true nature of wanton waste and extravagance that is the very hub of our economic system.

Hollywood, hear me! I am sick to death of seeing cars being wrecked in your films, even shiny new ones and expensive models. Can you think of nothing else? It is not enough! You must address the problem of depicting irresponsible wastage on a more effective scale so that the viewer is thoroughly fixated on the insecurity and essential transience of everything he has, wants to have or will ever have and so becomes more reliant on the government and his job in that order. Do you read!? Hence the educational reform I have suggested that I hope will be pursued also in music, video games, theme parks etc.

We hope to have these taxidermy lessons combined with religious instruction classes wherein special mention must be made of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and no mention at all of the resurrection. More of the same so to speak but with greater resolve this time around.

Mel Gibson's film The Last Temptation wherein the so-called Messiah is gloriously commoditized along the lines of a butcher's shop display will be a compulsory viewing for ALL students!

Similar films must also be made compulsory; and any student missing or trying to miss these films must be carefully noted for future chipping so that we can put them to work as mind slaves to our cause.

We live in a consumer society after all; and until kids know that they are tools, things, commodities first and foremost like any other, and therefore expendable in peace and war, our society will always be vulnerable.

It causes me untold distress to imagine an army going forth to battle where soldiers entertain the foul notion even for a nano-second that they are somehow important or that they are anything apart from their bodies. Might as well expect nuns to join our orgies.

Take your cue from Australia where television focuses entirely on bodily afflictions and ills and the general precariousness of physical health while re-running our best sitcoms to ensure that trashing one's good health, thank you Charlie!, from which we derive our profits, is the only road they can follow. They at least listen to me!

We must combat this heresy of self-worth at every conceivable level. We must bring the full weight of our film, broadcasting and publishing empires to heel in eradicating any such notion out of kids' heads once and for all.

So-called 'artists' must be brought to heel too. Exploit their innate cunning and greed.

As they are among the most gullible we should waste no time convincing them that art should be ephemeral to reflect the consumer society that brought them forth, so that we can get rid of those damned museums and art galleries once and for all! Ah Gilbert and George... how I miss you!

In summing, we should provide no encouragement to the Muggles whatsoever that they are anything at all other than what we tell him they are, that they are anything other than pieces of shit. Anti-abortionists need to be challenged and pro-abortionists lauded and given OBE's Knighthoods and the like so that they are made respectable as servants of our Depopulation policy. And I have already given instructions to our loyal scribes in London to get cracking on the next Potter series where all of the suggestions I have made will be wonderfully promoted. Harry Potter will be pro-abortion and pro-euthanasia and pro New World Order. Any questions?

To your good health."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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