Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 30 June 2013

image for Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi
Done in. What chance Francis?

A leading bookkeeper has drawn up a book on the possibilities surrounding the disgraced Italian Prime Minister and Bunga Bunga media tycoon Silvio Berlusconi's jail sentence for corrupting minors.

I spoke with CEO Jimmy Alyercash. He explained as follows:

"1/3 is very good odds that Berlusconi will be acquitted on an appeal. The whole trial looks to us to have been a fix-up so that he would have great grounds for just such an appeal. Any lawyer with an IQ of five or higher could easily prove that three female judges were incapable of an impartial decision on such a charge and should never have been appointed in the first place.

"Who appointed them? We will give you 10/1 about Berlusconi himself and 5/1 about a few of his Bunga Bunga buddies... if you can prove it of course. We figure that is WHY the female judges were appointed... to allow Berlusconi maximum room to appeal with good odds for an acquittal. Thus justice will be perceived as having been served, the Italian judicial system as immaculate as ever it was, and the culprit set free as planned. It will also, of course, give a massive boost, no pun intended, to underage prostitution all over Europe. Good for business. With the media promoting pedophilia all over the place, young, fresh flesh is greatly in demand, especially in political circuits."

Alyercash paused to light up a cigar before going on:

"We are also offering generous odds on foreseeable consequences of the recent Papal recklessness. 1/4 about the new Pope Francis going the way of Pope John Paul The First who died under mysterious circumstances in 1978, only 33 days after taking office, is a blessing to any punter. It's nailed on, er... so to speak. You don't mess with the Freemasons when it comes to their god Money not unless you want to sleep with the upper half of a dead horse or swing from a rope underneath Blackfriars bridge like Alberto Calvi with your pockets full of stones. I mean, you don't go poking your papal nose into the Vatican Bank for crying out loud which the Masons own because that is none of your Papal friggin business," explained Alyercash. That is their Holy of Holies. "You don't do that even in England which, as we all know, is owned and run by the Freemasons, as is Scotland and Northern Ireland. Its headquarters is the BBC... which reminds me... we took a bad lacing by correctly predicting the course of events surrounding the Masons' blue-eyed boy James Savile. You recall we offered an amazing three to one about the following:

(1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no further" blah, blah, blah and it simply disappears as the public are lulled back into televisual narcosis.

Old Rolf Harris was a good move towards that end. Poor man, why don't them nasty papers just leave nice people alone? Looks like we will be paying out on that one! Berlusconi might get us out of jail... with himself. As for Pope Francis, we all hope he makes it... but he really does need to behave himself and understand the sort of company he is keeping. Glamour doesn't really offer much protection anymore since the days of "The late great.." Marilyn Monroe who died... pardon me if I laugh... under mysterious circumstances. Nowadays, anybody is up for grabs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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