A List of Celebrity Valentine's Day Promises

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

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Valentine's Day heart symbols were created by the girlfriend of St. Valentinus, Betty Ravioli.

Saint Valentine's Day (Feb. 14) was named after Saint Valentinus, a resident of Naples, Italy, who worked as a wedding singer in his spare time.

St. Val, as he was called by his family, is also credited with inventing greeting cards which sold like hot pizza and made him a millionaire several times over.

The St. Valentine's Day heart-shaped symbol was created and designed by St. Val's girlfriend Betty Ravioli.

The idea to incorporate Cupid into the holiday came from St. Val's Uncle Vito and Aunt Valerie Chinchilla, who lived on the island of Sardinia.

Uncle Vito worked in an arrow repair shop and Aunt Valerie sold pasta door-to-door.


• Kristen Stewart - She promises Rob Pattinson that if he takes her back she will write him a check for $1.6 million.

• Simon Cowell - He promises his girlfriend Carmen Electra that he will get breast reduction surgery.

• Nicole Kidman - Since she is a lot taller than her husband Keith Urban, she promises him that she will stop wearing high heel shoes.

• Selena Gomez - Says she promises that she will not take ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber back this time no matter how much he begs and whines.

• Ricky Gervais - Has promised his long time girlfriend that he will get his teeth fixed so that he does not cut her mouth whenever he kisses her.

• Chris Brown - He promises to never, ever again beat Rihanna.

• Rihanna - She promises that if Chris slips up and does beat her again that she will forgive him (again) because that is what not having any self-esteem and self-pride is all about.

• Britney Spears - Her Valentine's Day present to her fans is that she will find a way to stop acting like a Space Cadet just like when she was a judge on Dancing With The Stars.

• John Mayer - He promises girlfriend Katy Perry that he won't dump her all of a sudden like he has done with all of his former girlfriends.

• Taylor Swift - She promises any future boyfriends that she will definitely write a song about them once they break up no matter how much they plead with her not to and no matter how much money they offer to pay her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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