Nottingham News: For W/E: 22nd July 2012 - With Comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Saturday, 21 July 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Nottingham News: For W/E: 22nd July 2012 - With Comments
Friday: 3000 Operations cancelled in 6 months in Nottingham

Monday 16th July 2012
Topic: Crime - Theft
"Man jailed following handbag thefts"
Source: Nottingham Police
Extract: A 27-year-old Stapleford man has been jailed for four years in connection with three incidents where shoppers' bags were targeted, leaving one woman with a broken leg.
Daniel Allsop, of Cambridge Crescent (pictured), pleaded guilty at Nottingham Crown Court on Friday (13 July 2012) to handling stolen goods after admitting his involvement in the snatching of a bag from a 91-year-old woman in Stapleford.
The incident happened near the junction of Frederick Street and Warren Avenue on Wednesday 2 May 2012. The pensioner was left shaken and suffered bruising to her arm and hand.
Allsop was sentenced to seven months imprisonment for being caught in possession of the stolen handbag. The jail term will run concurrently with sentences he received in connection with a bag snatch on 1 May and an attempted bag snatch on 7 May.
Allsop previously pleaded guilty to robbery and attempted theft at Nottingham Crown Court on 31 May 2012 in relation to the two incidents.
In the first attack he dragged his 79-year-old victim to the floor in Town Street, Bramcote, when he stole her bag.
She sustained injuries to her shoulder and a broken leg. He was sentenced to three years in jail.

Comment: Scumbag!

Wednesday 18th July 2012
Topic: NHS
"Ambulance service shake-up 'will put lives at risk' in Nottinghamshire"
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: Plans to close nearly every ambulance station in Notts could cost lives, it has been claimed.
East Midlands Ambulance Service (EMAS) plans to close 12 of the 13 stations and replace them with two - one in Nottingham and one in Mansfield. Ambulances will then be stationed at 22 strategic standby points to wait for calls to come in.

Comment: Yes... I noticed one parked near the Forest entrance last month... with the man behind the wheel asleep.

Thursday 19th July 2012
Topic: Crime - Rape
"Zack Thompson 'sleepwalking' claim rapist sentence cut"
Source: BBC News
Extract: A Nottinghamshire man who said he may have been sleepwalking when he raped a teenager has had his six year jail term cut to three and a half years.
Zack Thompson, 21, of Lincoln Street, Newark, was 18 when he raped the younger girl while on holiday in Portugal in 2009.
His sentence was cut at London's Criminal Appeal Court on Thursday.
The judge said the case fell into the lowest category of seriousness because of the lack of aggravating factors.

Comment: Fell into the lowest category of seriousness because of the lack of aggravating factors? Very comforting and reassuring for young girls!

Friday 20th July 2012
Topic: Nottingham - NHS - Cancellations
"Nottingham NHS Hospitals cancel over 3000 operations in six months"
Source: BBC News
Extract: More than 3,000 operations were cancelled in Nottingham during the first six months of this year, an NHS trust has said.
In May, Nottingham University Hospitals apologised after revealing at least 500 operations were cancelled on the day of surgery between January and April.
Now it has released a new six-month total which includes operations cancelled before the day of surgery.
It revealed there were 3,283 cancelled operations in the first half of 2012.
The trust said it had taken the unusual step of publishing its total number of cancellations to show people a "fuller" picture.
The total number of operations cancelled on the day of surgery was 742 with a further 2,541 operations cancelled before the day.

Comment: Very encouraging!

Saturday 21th July 2012
Topic: Nowt
Source: Inchcock

Extract: Void

Comment: Ah well!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more