Nottingham News for W/E: 22nd April 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 22 April 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E: 22nd April 2012
Saturday 21st April 2012

Monday 16th April 2012
Topic: Crime
"Two people hurt in shooting outside Nottingham hotel"
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: Two people suffered leg injuries in a late-night shooting outside a Nottingham hotel. A 17-year-old youth and a 36-year-old woman were standing in front of the Stage Hotel, in Gregory Boulevard, on Saturday when they were hurt.

Comment: "Very encouraging, that hotel is only a few minutes hobble from where I live (using the word live, loosely). I have to pass it when I go shopping, and to the Haematology at the QMC for me weekly tests!"

Tuesday 17th April 2012
Topic: Crime
"Nottingham riots: Trial starts over the first police station petrol bomb attack"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: A man has admitted having petrol bombs and carrying out an arson attack at Canning Circus Police Station during last summer's riots in Nottingham. Curtis Lee Dejean, 19, of Welstead Avenue, Aspley, appeared at Nottingham Crown Court yesterday.
He admitted unlawfully and maliciously having in his possession or under his control an explosive substance, namely petrol bombs, on August 9. He also pleaded guilty to arson being reckless as to whether life is endangered on August 9 after the police station was damaged by fire.
His pleas come as 16 other people stand trial today for an offence of riot in connection with the same incident.

Comment: "I get depressed when I read things like this, I'll probably get more depressed when the slap of the wrist of a sentence is given!"

Wednesday 18th April 2012
Topic: Nottingham folk!
"Nottingham 999 caller - 'I can't defrost my turkey'"
Source: This is Nottingham
Extract: A budgerigar with breathing difficulties and someone who needed help defrosting a turkey are just two of the crazy calls answered by paramedics in the last year.
Paramedics were sent to hundreds of incidents where they believed patients were in serious trouble. But in some cases the caller:​
* Had rung because they were bored
* Wanted a free lift home because they couldn't afford a taxi
* Was distressed because their fridge was broken
* Had a pet budgerigar with breathing difficulties
* Wanted advice on how to defrost a turkey.
Paramedics also went to the home of a man who claimed to have been bitten by a snake - only to find he was high on drugs and the snake was on a wildlife programme on TV.

Comment: "Bless them!"

Thursday 19th April 2012
Topic: Crime - Riots - Trial
"Witness 'saw Nottingham police station petrol bombed'"
Source: BBC Report - Photo
Extract Canning Circus police station was attacked on 9 August during disturbances in the city.

Taxi driver Sulakhan Lakhanpal told Nottingham Crown Court he saw a group of 30 to 50 people, some with lit petrol bombs made from bottles.
The defendants all deny charges of riot and violent disorder.
The jury heard how the group got within two or three metres of Mr Lakhanpal's taxi and at that point he reversed and turned back down Derby Road.
From further afield he said he could see Canning Circus police station being attacked with petrol bombs, the court heard. He told the jury what he witnessed was "dangerous and scary" and "a shocking thing".
The trial continues.

Comment: ""I get depressed when I read things like this, I'll probably get more depressed when the slap of the wrist of a sentence is given!""

Friday 20th April 2012
Topic: Crime
"Crowbar-wielding burglar breaks into woman's home... to find a police officer inside"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: A crowbar-wielding burglar was arrested after breaking into a house where the elderly resident was reporting a previous incident to a police officer, it has been revealed.
The raider burst through the door of the home of the 88-year-old resident with three other men wearing balaclavas and armed with crowbars only to be met by the woman and a police officer, Nottinghamshire Police said.
PC Paul McAuley, 30, was taking a statement from the resident following a burglary at her home, in the Chilwell Lane area of Bramcote, when the incident happened.
Intruders had entered the same house two nights previously through an upstairs window and stolen a purse and jewellery.
The police officer chased the burglars and managed to arrest one of them. The three others fled the scene.

Comment: "Got one of the bastards anyway!"

Saturday 21st April 2012
Topic: Crime
"£2m heroin bust in Nottingham street"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: Two men have been jailed after they were caught exchanging drugs worth more than £2m in a Nottingham street.
Officers from the Serious Organised Crime Agency swooped on the pair's cars in Burford Road, Forest Fields, on October 17 last year after monitoring their phone calls.
Shehryar Liaquat and Tariq Mehmood were found to be transferring a large holdall full of heroin and amphetamine between their vehicles.

Comment: "Come to the Nottingham Drug & Gun show - thrice nightly performances, special prices available for benefit claimants, immigrants, and schoolchildren!"

Saturday 21st April 2012
Topic: Workplace Parking Levy
"GMB tobacco workers oppose Nottingham's parking levy"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Workers at a Nottingham tobacco firm have voted to take industrial action over the city's Workplace Parking Levy.
GMB union members at Imperial Tobacco will start a week's overtime ban on 30 April to protest at the firm's decision to pass on part of the cost to staff.
The GMB said Imperial Tobacco could easily afford to foot the bill for the levy, which is £288 a year per space.
The company said the GMB was the smaller of two unions and it did not expect disruption to output.

Comment: "As they are already challenged in the employment by the ever increasing illegally imported cigarettes from Poland, Estonia, Bulgaria, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia, Serbia etc, I think they are very brave, and deserve to be supported by the few remaining workforces left in Nottingham!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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