Selected Political News for W/E: 15th April 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 15 April 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E: 15th April 2012
Reason for the Coalitions impending local election losses?

Sunday 8th April 2012
Topic: Public opinion - Cooked food VAT tax
"85% say pasty tax has put them off Tories"
Source: The People
Extract: Half-baked George Osborne is today slammed as a clueless upper-crust toff over his Pastygate tax.
Half-baked George Osborne is today slammed as a clueless upper-crust toff over his Pastygate tax.
The Chancellor stands accused of being totally out of touch with ordinary people for planning to slap a disastrous 20 per cent increase on hot bakery snacks.
An exclusive People poll found 85 per cent of voters have been put OFF supporting the Tories or their Lib Dem partners by the proposed VAT rise on grub bought from outlets such as Greggs. Nine out of 10 called for the tax to be scrapped immediately and three-quarters said they planned to spend less at bakers because of it.

Comment: "Nine out of 10 called for the tax to be scrapped immediately? Asking for anything from this nepotistic Tory led mob of snobs is only allowed for bankers, investors, party donation wallahs, and the extremely rich! Not a chance in hell of getting them to remove the tax. You'd have more chance in searching for an honest MP - and the chances of that are zero!"

Monday 9th April 2012
Topic: Tax-avoidance
"Miliband in new row over Ken's £19,202 tax-dodge donation"
Source: The Sun
Extract: The Labour leader was accused of trying to cover up a £19,202 donation to the party made through the London mayoral candidate's "loophole" company Silveta Limited.
He put Livingstone's name instead of the firm's on a list he put out of meetings with backers.
Ken slashed £50,000 off his tax bill by putting earnings for speeches and broadcasts through Silveta.
He was branded a hypocrite as he had earlier dubbed tax-avoiders "rich b******s" who "don't get it"

Comment: "Oh dear oh dear, more shenanigans from the chosen few!"

Tuesday 10th April 2012
Topic: Tax
"Osborne has cut his own tax bill"
Source: The Sun
Extract: Our investigations have revealed he WILL benefit from the new tax rates HE set. Since last July, he has been raking in thousands by renting out a posh £2million townhouse on TOP of his £134,565-a-year minister's salary.
The extra income from the property in swish Notting Hill, West London, should easily top the £15,435 the Chancellor needs to earn to take him up to the £150,000 threshold. And he will pay LESS tax if he continues to rent the house out after his new 45 per cent rate comes into force in 2013.
There is no suggestion he introduced the cut to benefit himself - of course!

Comment: "I loved this one! Almost as much as I hate Osborne!"

Wednesday 11th April 2012
Topic: Crime - NHS
"Hospital poison probe: Seventh person dies after being "deliberately poisoned with insulin" at Stepping Hill"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: 70-year-old Beryl Hope, is the latest person to be named by police in Greater Manchester investigating the suspicious deaths of patients at the hospital in Stockport.
Detective Superintendent Simon Barraclough said: "My thoughts and sympathies are with Beryl's loved ones who are understandably upset by this latest development.

Comment: "Scares you doesn't it!"

Thursday 12th April 2012
Topic: Nepotism
"David Cameron in dig at Vince Cables VAT fine!"
Source: The Express
Extract: Davis Cameron yesterday risked opening up a new rift with his Lib Dem coalition partners by appearing to take a sly dig at Vince Cable's embarrassment over a late VAT payment. Asked if he had ever indulged in anything that people might view as tax avoidance, the Prime Minister, talking in Indonesia, said: "No, I don't think I have," and added: "I've always tried to pay all my taxes and I think it's very important that people do."

Comment: The kettle calling the frying pan comes to mind here!

Friday 13th April 2012
Topic: Local election - Labour - Respect
"Ed Miliband 'listens and learns' in Bradford after poll defeat"
Source: The Guardian
Extract: Ed Miliband went to Bradford on Thursday to hear from 100 local people about why the party had been obliterated in the Bradford West byelection, fulfilling a promise to "listen and learn" from the rejection.
Miliband promised to return to hold a meeting with Muslim women. He was also pressed to have a direct debate with Galloway, but refused this saying that he believed the MP "turns everything into a circus". Galloway had been expelled from the Labour party.
The local Labour party appears to have been oblivious to the possibility that it could be swept away in a late surge of enthusiasm for Galloway, especially from young students and women angered by the traditional political establishment in the city.

Ed Miliband reminds me of Neil Kinnock, only Ed isn't as capable!

Saturday 14th April 2012
Topic: Cameron's Diplomatic visit
"Cameron invites Suu Kyi to visit UK"
Source: Express
Extract: An emotional David Cameron yesterday invited Burma's pro-democracy campaigner Aung San Suu Kyi to visit Britain later this year. Their historic meeting - in Burma's former capital Rangoon - was staged at Ms Suu Kyi's lakeside villa where she spent 15 of the last 22 years under house arrest as military rulers sought to crush her crusade for democracy.

Comment: Emotional? Cameron? Why? Was there money involved? Still, it will give Suu Kyi a chance to see dozens of other nationalities in one place.

Sunday 15th April 2012
Topic: Spain - Euro-crisis
"Spain will this week attempt to borrow up to£4.1 billion"
Source: Sunday Express
Extract: Spain will this week attempt to borrow up to e5 billion (£4.1 billion) from international debt markets following the near-failure of an auction of national bonds earlier this month. Although Madrid has yet to inform the market as to how much it wants to raise in debt financing, it is understood that it will look to sell e3 billion to e5 billion of bonds, or IOUs, via a further auction on Thursday.

Comment: Why don't they as William Hague for a hand-out? Barclay's did and got it! - oh yes, Hague's wife Ffion is a paid Barclay's bank advisor, I was forgetting that!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more