Hostage Drama at Nottingham Junior School

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 15 April 2012

image for Hostage Drama at Nottingham Junior School
Police sealed off all roads in the area, apart from the one to the bookies.

Police responded with dogs, helicopter, and ARV (Armed Response Vehicle) to a call for help, from the Some Saints Junior School this morning at 0928hrs.

They sealed off all roads surrounding the school, apart from the one to the bookies.

A statement from the Nottingham Chief Constable Julia Hodson said: "Twice last week, teachers and pupils reported suspicious characters lurking in the close vicinity of the school. It seems the same two have gained access to the premises, and when the teacher demanded they left and they refused, a hostage situation has developed."

Our reporter asked: "Do you think that the intruders might be paedophiles?"

The Chief Constable replied: "Oh yes, I'd not thought of that!"

She turned to one of constables in riot gear next to her and commanded him to get more support and call for another CPC (Community Police Constable) to attend the scene, as soon as she'd finished having her breakfast.

Talks ensued, with one of the children's Samsung Galaxy S2 mobile phones, and the police negotiator.

No further details were forthcoming until 1430hrs, when it reported by the Chief Constable in a statement: "I am glad to inform you that the hostage situation at the Some Saints Junior School has been settled without any injuries this time. Both of the Police Officers released by the pupils were shook up, but released unharmed after I agreed that no charges would be brought, the graffiti on the headmistresses door would not be cleaned off for 5 months, and the use of Ganja would be permitted in the playground for fifteen minutes a day during school time."

She added as the Pizza and Burger van pulled away: "Another victory for common sense policing!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more