A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Seven

Funny story written by Inchcock

Thursday, 21 June 2012


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My little miracle - the miracle being I've not lost it for over two months now!

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947

Chapter 100: The Shopping Expedition Wed 20th 2012

Up at 0500hrs - Carbolicalised (ablutions), and medicated, followed by the usual hunt for my glasses and hearing aids.

Put the laptop on to find out what day it is.

Attend to shopping list: Remembered to put DVDs in bag to donate to Headway charity shop while out. Bread, milk, goulash, potatoes, bleach, hearing aid batteries, and any other cheap item on special offer or short-dated from Bulwell, and my tinned fish from Lidl.

As I called in Lidl, I remembered I'd been overcharged on my last two visits. Thinking this time all I'm getting is a 99p tin of kippers, and an 89p tin of herrings in sauce... still they managed to charge me for 99p for both tins! Still, it gives me something to concentrate on, trying not to get overcharged at Lidl, they are consistent if nothing else!

So off on my 90 minute walk to Bulwell, my arthritis and angina both being less severe than of late... as the rain came down!

Called in the B&M shop for the goulash and bleach.

Got outside and started to walk towards the market for some cheap potatoes - and realised I'd left me debit card in the machine at B&M!
Very luckily for me, it was still there when I hobbled into the shop!

Out again, into the now sunshine covered market place, and as I was viewing the rather pathetic and high priced goods on offer - a lady in a disabled scooter hit my from behind. This is the forth time that's happened this year! Mmm?

Went along Commercial Road to the cheap short-date shop, and got some Syrup flavoured porridge, avoiding the kerfuffle at the freezer centre where the police were having difficult time in transporting some shoplifters into the police van as I left, and cut through to the main street.

I considered leaving a deposit on some bacon, but decided against it.

To the bus station, and got on a number 17 bus home.
En-route, I learnt that the lady sat behind me, had a daughter named Zoe, she was going to have a take-away that night from the Chinese shop, the bra she bought earlier this week had to be returned to the shop (Primemark) cause it was the wrong fit, she'd picked up the fags for her daughter and had them in her bag with her, she was gong to 'sort-out' the benefit office scum and get 'Wot I'm entitled to',and she'd be home in about half an hour!
Oh, and she had a voice that Harry Secombe would have been proud of.

As I alighted from the bus, I remembered I'd not fetched me hearing aid batteries... again!

The heel fell off of my right shoe as I turned into my street, just before the handle fell off my shopping bag!

When I got in the house - I took out the DVDs for the Headway charity shop.

More Episodes of Woe to follow (I hope)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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