David Cameron - Should We Trust Him? - Here are the facts: You Decide!

Funny story written by Inchcock

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

image for David Cameron - Should We Trust Him? - Here are the facts: You Decide!
David Cameron - Should We Trust Him? - Here are the facts!

David Cameron aka "Big Dave" or "Lucien deFellatio Cameron" is the current horse-loving Chief Nepotist claiming to be in charge of what was once a British Nation.

At a public ceremony costing millions he was given away at his wedding by Gordon Brown and currently in an enforced marriage to the delightful Nicola Clegg, from Liberaliera.

He is the son of Margaret Thatcher and Prince Lucifer.

He was raised as a Barclay's Bank Satanist, devoted to the praise of finance, gain, nepotism, and worshipped at Eton St Avitall church at Eton Wick.


Spooninthemouth Preparatory School:
Who had among its alumni: Colonel Gaddafi's son Abdul, Prince Andrew and Prince Edward.
The school closed in the early 1980s in the wake of a drugs scandal of grade A cocaine being sold, and certain pupils having been found committing acts of gross indecency with the school's pet ram.

Eton College:
Cameron received his secondary education at Eton where he gained the captaincy of the soggy biscuit team.

Oxford University:
Cameron studied, went on to obtain a c A in "Hunting and Keeping the Serfs in their place" from Brasenose College, Oxford.

His tutor at Oxford, Professor Vernon St John-Appleby-Profit, described him as "one of the ablest and nicest" students he has had the pleasure to bugger; whose political views were "moderate and sensibly conservative".

St John-Appleby-Profit was later found on the floor of his bathroom, trussed up like a Christmas turkey, with every orifice crammed full of Apricot/Cocaine stuffing.

Following the coroner's finding of death by natural causes, the Professor was interred with full military honours in the bowls of HMS Invincible.

Member of Parliament:
Upon his election to Parliament, he served as a member of the Commons Home Affairs Select Committee.

It was Cameron's proposal that the Committee launch an inquiry into the law on drugs. The report recommended a downgrading of Ecstasy from Class A to Class B, as well as moves towards a policy of 'harm reduction', which Cameron defended. Critics have suggested that this was possibly a front to hide that large scale importation of woodlice ears and sperm whale nostrils both of which are highly prized on the illegal drugs market.

In June 2003:
Cameron was appointed as a shadowy minister in the Privy Council and later became shadow Evisceration secretary in the post-election reshuffle.

By 2010:
He bribed, bummed, and blackmailed his way to become leader of the Contortionative Party, and in the 2010 Elections, the Party was forced through gritted teeth to do-a-deal with the Lib-Dem Party to form a Coalition Government, after the English, Dutch, French, German, and Spanish speaking Nicolas Clegg, had snubbed Gordon Brown's Labour Party in his Parties favour.

Finding out that Mr Clegg was married to Miriam González Durántez, a partner at Dechert; Alison Lees, partner at PwC and Charlie Hoffman, managing director at HSBC Private Bank Ltd, his Father was Nicholas P. Clegg CBE, 1967 the chairman of United Trust, his father's side of the family Clegg is related to Kira von Engelhardt, daughter of a Russian baron of German and Ukrainian origin, Ignaty Zakrevsky, an attorney general of the Imperial Russian senate, caused Cameron to be miffed and jealous.

By March 2012: He soon became known as 'The Finest and most skilled Liar of all the Prime Ministers of Great Britain'. (Although Tony Blair claims this title for himself)
In support of his to the entitlement to the title, we have amassed a few of his more obvious lies:

1) He Lied over Pensioners credits, said he would keep them and is now cutting them.

2) He Lied over student tuition fees not being increased.

3) He Lied when he said the Tories would have "no top down reorganisation of the NHS"

4) He Lied about Sure Start centres closing and funding for Sure Start.

5) He Lied about Formers lose Educational Maintenance Allowances he said he would keep.

6) Bankers enjoy tax cuts instead of hefty curbs as promised

7) VAT went up when he said he had "no plans" to raise it.

8) Cameron Lied when he told police service they'd be protected, instead he is slashing their numbers.

9) Cameron promised to jail blade-wielding criminals for a first offence He Lied, now they are guaranteed to escape jail under terms his government are introducing.

10) Cameron Lied about protecting Defence, he is in the process of making 28,000 troops redundant.

11) Lied about national Insurance Contributions, he said they would not raise them, but they have just gone up.

12) Cameron said Welfare and tax credit fraud and error costs the taxpayer £5.2 bn per year - he Lied! DWP estimates that it actually costs about £1bn per year.

13) Cameron said no frontline staff would lose their jobs in the NHS - The Royal College of Nursing has identified almost 27,000 jobs under threat in 100 hospitals.

14) He Lied when he told voters "no Tory government would introduce swingeing cuts or threaten jobs and security"

15) Mr Cameron wrongly claimed that more people were in work, "Not True"

16) He denied that disabled children would have their benefits cut, and duped MPs about support for NHS reforms. "Not True"

17) He Lied during the leadership debate Cameron promised he would NOT cut pensioners winter fuel payments - they are to be cut by up to £100.

18) He Lied when he claimed to have eaten a pasty at a Railway Station that had closed down the eatery before the claimed date!

19) In March 2012 he denied having a list of Conservative party donors that he's entertained - a Lie! He produced one a day late!

20) claimed he would 'Stop A&E and maternity closures', another Lie!

21) "You can read my lips. That is a promise from my heart."(Cameron in Opposition promising to look after the elderly, frail, poor and needy and protect pensioners' benefits"

22) Despite David Cameron's pledge to hold a 'bonfire of the quangos' thousands more bureaucrats have been recruited by the Tory government!

23) Longer waiting lists nail David Cameron's lie that the NHS is safe in his Tory hands!

24) He said: "We will increase the number of midwives by 3,000" - Ha! Another Lie!

25) Cameron told us that democratic referendum on the EU would be a 'Distraction' - From what? 'The mass killings that he and his government are aggressively carrying out in the name of humanitarianism?'

But remember also that David Cameron is just like you or me, and it is perfectly normal be a son of a millionaire stockbroker, go to Eton and marry a woman who is a multi Millionaire and has Royal blood. I'm not bitter or jealous, oh no not me!

But he does have a lovely cuddly bum though!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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