40 One-liner views on Individual UK Politicians - old & new!

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 1 April 2012


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40 One-liner views on Individual UK Politicians

(1) Ken Livingstone
"I don't think he is a fool: but what's my opinion compared to that of millions of others!"

(2) Nick Clegg
"His supporters would follow him anywhere... mostly out of morbid curiosity!"

(3) Ed Miliband
"He doesn't let his mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own!"

(4) Theresa May
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet!"

(5) Chris Huhne
"He works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

(6) Oliver Letwin
"He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle."

(7) Jeremy Thorpe
"He set low personal standards and then consistently failed to achieve them!"

(8) Tony Blair
"This man had delusions of adequacy."

(9) Ed Miliband
"When Tony Blair told you to be yourself, he couldn't have given you any worse advice!"

(10) Francis Maude
"This Minister is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!"

(11) William Hague
"This Minister should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better!"

(12) Neville Chamberlain
"Got had a full 6-pack, but lacked the plastic thing to hold it all together!"

(13) William Hague
"He really is as pretty as a picture - I know I'd love to hang him!"

(14) Danny Alexander
"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless!"

(15) Nick Clegg
"Frustration can be eased by swearing, in his case he can swear in English, Dutch, French, German, and Spanish!"

(16) Kenneth Clarke
"It takes the poor old codger over 2 hours to watch 60 minutes on the box!"

(17) Ed Miliband
"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's unfamiliar territory for him you know!"

(18) Tony Benn
"He would have argued with a signpost!"

(19) James Callaghan
"He had a knack for making strangers immediately!"

(20) Gordon Brown
"He brought a lot of joy to so many - whenever he left the room!"

(21) Caroline Spelman
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored... she's the other one!"

(22) Ed Balls
"This is an excellent time for him to become a missing person"

(23) David Cameron
"If nepotism was music, he's be an orchestra!"

(24) Eric Pickles
"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

(25) Nick Griffin
"He donated his brain to science before he was done using it!"

(26) Ken Livingstone
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words!"

(27) John (2 Jags) Prescott
"He also has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it!"

(28) Jeremy Thorpe
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to have been watered twice a week!"

(29) Ed Miliband
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change!"

(30) Neville Chamberlain
"Some drank from the fountain of knowledge - he only gargled!"

(31) George Osborne
"If truth is stranger than fiction, then he must be truth!"

(32) David Cameron
"He should do some soul-searching - he might just find one!"

(33) Nick Clegg
"There are only two things I dislike about him - his faces!"

(34) William Hague
"He's better at sex than anyone I know - Now all he needs is a partner!"

(35) George Osborne
"Do you think he would he like some cheese to go with that whine?"

(36) David Cameron
"You can always tell when he's lying - whenever his lips are moving!"

(37) Chris Huhne
"Most people live and learn, but him, he just lives!"

(38) David Cameron
"He's not as bad as people say - he's much, much worse!"

(39) George Osborne
"If we killed everybody who hates him, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse!"

(40) Nick Clegg
"His personality's split so many ways, he goes for group therapy on his own"

The comments are not necessarily those of the author.

Except those on Cameron perhaps!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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