Nottingham News for W/E Sun 18th March 2012 - with comments

Written by Inchcock

Sunday, 18 March 2012


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Suggested new logo for Nottingham Tourism Centre? No?

This Weeks Nottingham News

Monday 12th March 2012:
Topic: Crime - Arson - Witchcraft
"Bilborough victims of 'witchcraft' arsonist speaks of impact"
Source: Nottingham Post
Four houses and a car were damaged when Clive Howsin threw homemade petrol bombs at homes in Strelley Road, Bilborough, and Beechdale Road, Beechdale.
Howsin, a paranoid schizophrenic who believed people in the area were involved in witchcraft, was yesterday given a hospital restriction order in a medium secure unit.

So life in Nottingham carries on as normal then?"

Tuesday 13th March 2012:
Topic: Crime - Violence
"Nottingham Man arrested over Arnold knife attack"
Source: This is Nottingham
A 54-YEAR-OLD man was left with facial injuries and slash wounds on his arm and shoulder following an incident in Arnold last night.
A 23-year-old Arnold man, who was arrested in connection with the incident at a nearby address, was being interviewed by police today.
Police say the attack is believed to have been a targeted, isolated attack and the victim is expected to be released from the hospital today.
Anyone with any information is asked to contact Nottinghamshire Police on 101 or call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.

Knife crime in Nottingham? I'm flabbergasted!

Wednesday 14th March 2012:
Topic: Crime and Punishment
"Sex offenders given voluntary 'chemical castration' in Notts prison"
Source: Voluntary Castration
Paedophiles jailed in a Notts prison are being given treatment to lower their sexual libido as part of a pilot scheme sanctioned by the Government. Some inmates at Whatton Prison have agreed to be given specific treatment, dubbed as "chemical castration", to lower their libido, in an effort to help them control their sexual desires.

Voluntary? Better than nowt I suppose!

Friday 16th March 2012:
Topic: Accident - NHS - Shopping
"Man's toe is torn off on escalator at Nottingham shopping centre"
Source: This is Nottingham
A Nottingham City centre shopper has had his toe ripped off while on an escalator.
Firefighters were called yesterday afternoon to free the 24-year-old man in West End Arcade, Parliament Street, and asked nearby shops for ice to preserve the toe.
Central Fire Station manager Tom Clark said the man was conscious while they dismantled the escalator.
"He suffered quite a severe injury. There was quite a lot of bleeding," said Mr Clark. "He was conscious and lucid and responsive all the time. He was tough given the stress of the situation."
The victim was taken out of the West End Arcade on a stretcher, his foot heavily bandaged. An ambulance took him to hospital.

"I've been down that escalator a few times. It's shaky, dirty, dimly lit (as you'll see in the links photo) and a muggers paradise. There are only about 50% of the retail units occupied. It's bad enough the poor chap lost his toe in the incident, he was then taken to the Queens Medical Centre for treatment! Poor sod!"

Saturday 17th March 2012:
Topic: Crime
"Man arrested after 13-hour stand-off with armed police"
Source: Nottingham Post
Armed police talked a wanted man out of a tense 13-hour stand-off on a canal boat. A 41-year-old was arrested at around 5.30am yesterday following the incident at the stretch of canal off Town Street, Sandiacre.
Police vehicles and ambulances descended on the stretch of canal on Wednesday night and the police helicopter was also scrambled.
The operation began after the man was spotted on a small blue boat moored near to the Plough Inn on Wednesday afternoon.

"Almost commonplace in Nottingham nowdays. There were two muggings in the same area that day that they didn't even bother to report!"

Sunday 18th March 2012:
Topic: Er.. Crime?
"Street cleaner caught urinating against the front of a house"
Source: Nottingham Post
The city council has "apologised profusely" after the cleaner was spotted relieving himself in St Stephen's Road, Sneinton.
He was seen by resident Steven Farr, who said he was "utterly disgusted".
Mr Farr, 31, who works as an IT technician at a school in Notts, said: "I came out of my house to go to work at about ten past eight, and there was a street cleaner weeing against the front of my neighbour's property. "I couldn't believe my eyes. I said, 'Isn't there somewhere else you could do that?'
"He just turned to me and said he had some detergent in the van and he would clean it up himself."
Mr Farr, who has lived in the street for six years, telephoned the city council when he got to work and lodged a formal complaint added: "If he had knocked on my door and asked to use my toilet, I would have happily let him.

"An empty pop bottle kept in the van would have avoided this incident!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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