Selected Political News for W/E 18th March 2012 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 18 March 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E 18th March 2012 - with comments
"There is a chance that he actually believes what he is saying? No, not really, just having another Senior Moment!

This Weeks Selected Political News

Monday 12th March 2012:
Topic: Cutbacks - Samantha Cameron
"No cutbacks for Samantha Cameron"
Source: The Mirror
Samantha Cameron shopping in Ikea for hubby's new cabinet had her No 10 handlers wetting themselves.
A flat-pack would ­admittedly be more useful than most of Call Me Dave's Ministers who have screws missing of their own.

"The pictures promoted the deceit that Mr Silver Spoon and Mrs Heiress are an ordinary middle class couple. Yet the truth is Sam Glam's more at home in her Bond Street luxury firm Smythson, which sells Christmas cards at £13 a pop. Or sitting at the family's £6,312 dining table. Or enjoying the £64,000 splurged on the Downing Street flat, including a floating ceiling and new luxury bathroom.
Not to mention the £140,000 spent to extend the Camerons' ­Oxfordshire garden.
The Camerons are very wealthy, probably the richest couple in No 10 for 50 years.
To pretend we're all in this together when the pair escape the austerity he imposes on others is to heap Tory insult on Conservative injury."

Tuesday 13th March 2012:
Topic: NHS
"Heart attack deaths down 60% in Nottingham"
Source: This is Nottingham
The city's high number of smokers and obese people has been blamed for a 14 per cent rise in the number of local heart attack patients - from 1,415 to 1,618 - at Nottingham City Hospital and the Queen's Medical Centre over the last ten years.
But doctors have managed to reduce the number of fatalities from 319 in 2002 to just 126 in 2011, a 10 per cent bigger drop than the national average.

"Good news. Mind you the patients are being set on fire, or lost, or jumping through 4th floor windows instead!"

Wednesday 14th March 2012:
Topic: Cameron/Obama
"Cameron gets basketball tips from Obama at ball game"
Source: Barack gives Cameron Advice
David Cameron admitted having difficulty following the rules, but said President Barack Obama was giving him some tips.

"I'd like to give Cameron some tips as well - the types that are found on the end of poison darts preferably!"

Friday 16th March 2012:
Topic: Politics - Nepotism - David Cameron
"Britain is starved of jobs while Cameron struts with Obama eating hot-dogs"
Source: The Mirror
David Cameron was rosy-cheeked with bliss playing global statesman on the White House lawn - it is so much easier than thinking about one million kids who do not have a job.
British Prime Ministers always enjoy strutting and preening by the side of the US President.
Tony Blair modelling his Alan Partridge smart-casual wear on a long weekend with George Bush was hardly the greatest moment in our nation's history.
But there was something ­particularly sick-making about Cameron doing his Churchill-lite routine with Obama.
So desperate, so demeaning, so pathetically grateful - Cameron looked like a French tart in liberated Paris chasing after a GI in the hope of being chucked some silk stockings and a stick of Bazooka Joe bubble gum. On the day British unemployment rose to a 17-year high, the place for a British Prime Minister to be was in Britain.
But Cameron was strutting around in America, tucking into hot dogs at a basketball game, when he would not touch them with a shooting stick in Notting Hill or Chipping Norton.
Laughably, William Hague and George Osborne were by his side, preening as if they actually won the last general election, and as if their jaunt to America meant anything at all.
It did not.
We are told - adopts solemn voice - "Afghanistan is top of the agenda."
Really? I wonder how many people in Britain have ­Afghanistan at the top of their agenda.
Certainly not the pensioner who is afraid to go down to her local shops after dark - she hasn't got Afghanistan at the top of her agenda!

"There was something ­particularly sick-making about David Cameron doing his Winston Churchill-lite routine with Obama" Oh how I agree!

Saturday 17th March 2012:
Topic: Politics - Nepotism - Cameron - Obama - Ground Zero
"Cameron declares Afghanistan a success at 9/11 memorial"
Source: The Guardian
David Cameron rounded off his visit to the US by laying a wreath at Ground Zero in New York, where he declared that the site of the September 11 attacks showed why British and US forces were deployed in Afghanistan.
Standing next to the water memorial on the site of the north tower, the prime minister said "The Nato mission in Afghanistan had succeeded and would draw to a close over the next two years!"

"I think there is a chance that he actually believes what he is saying? No, not really, I was just having another Senior Moment!"

Sunday 18th March 2012:
Topic: Crime
Ed Miliband's HQ burgled!
Source: The Sun
A door was forced to his second-floor HQ near Big Ben. Twitter jibes pointed to Ed's brother David, who lost their party leadership battle. Another blamed taxpayers hunting for cash Labour wasted while in power.
Police were called on Friday, and a party source said: "We don't know the motive - or if anything was taken."

"Luckily there were no 'Policies' there to be stolen!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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