Selected Political News for W/E 12th March 2012 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 11 March 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E 12th March 2012 - with comments
Not a prison, but it does contain crooks, drunks, fraudsters, liars, & nepotists galore!

Monday 5th March 2012
Topic: Crime - Terrorism - Government Quango
Give terror suspects More human rights - Says £53m Govt quango funded by You
Source: The Sun
More human rights for terrorists will be called for today by a quango which costs taxpayers £53million a year. The Equality and Human Rights Commission also wants softer treatment for prisoners, illegal immigrants and gypsy sites.
It will spark fury by saying terror suspects should be treated like ordinary crooks.

"What the *ucks happening here?"

Tuesday 6th March 2012
Topic: Politics
David Cameron spends £20k of taxpayers' cash on his own iPad app
Source: The Mirror
The app will allow him to instantly look up key information such as polling data, crime statistics and NHS waiting lists
David Cameron has spent £20,000 of taxpayers' money to create his own iPad app.
It will allow him to instantly look up key information such as polling data, crime statistics and NHS waiting lists.
A Downing Street team has been working on the programme for months and it is expected to be ready by the end of April.

"Well... $20,000? It's nothing to the perfect nepotist Cameron is it?"

Wednesday 7th March 2012
Topic: Political - Government Failure
The Whitehall efficiency drive that increased costs
Source: Telegraph
A seven-year government efficiency programme has backfired and increased costs for the taxpayer by hundreds of millions of pounds, a public spending watchdog said.
Whitehall departments have spent £1.4 billion in an attempt to save £159 million by sharing "back-office'' functions such as personnel and procurement.

"Now why am I not surprised at this?"

Saturday 10th March 2012
Topic: Crime - Nepotism - Labour Party - MP
Drunken Labour MP Eric Joyce was banned from pubs and ordered to pay £4,500 yesterday following a punch-up in a House of Commons bar
Source: The Sun
The Sun Says Drunk Labour MP escapes jail term 'Assault' MP denies affair Tory: I'm sorry for brawl MP Lab MP 'arrested for decking Tory'
The disgraced ex-Army major - facing calls to resign from Parliament - admitted head-butting a Tory MP and punching a Labour whip and two political aides.

A court heard how Joyce, 51, appeared "possessed" with eyes that "looked as if no one was home" after starting a fight in the Strangers Bar - claiming it was "full of f****** Tories".

He lashed out at Tory councillors Luke Mackenzie and Ben Maney and Labour MP Phil Wilson as each one tried to intervene in the row. Police arrived to find upturned tables and scattered glasses.

But when they tried to arrest Joyce, he yelled: "You can't touch me, I'm an MP" before butting Tory Stuart Andrew and making his nose bleed.

"With so much bottle, perhaps he should become Labour leader instead of... oh what's his name... er... Milligan... no Miliband that's it!"

Saturday 10th March 2012
Topic: Employment - Reploy
1500 Disabled Jobs To Go!
Source: The Sun
State-owned firm Remploy announced plans to make 1,752 redundant - 1,518 of them disabled - by the end of the year.
The company's 54 factories churn out school chairs and protection suits for the armed forces and refurbish computers.

Unite general secretary Len McCluskey said: "This is a barbaric decision. The Government has sunk to a new low."
But Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith said it was wrong to support "Victorian-era segregated employment.

"The Bastards!"

Sunday 11th March 2012
Topic: Budget 2012 - Nick Clegg
Nick Clegg calls for tax cuts for low earners
Source: BBC News
Nick Clegg is to call for this month's Budget to include more tax cuts for those on low incomes.

The deputy prime minister will also urge Chancellor George Osborne to introduce more measures to tackle tax avoidance by the richest in society. The Budget "must offer concrete help to hard-pressed, hard-working families", he will tell delegates.

He is expected to say Mr Osborne must make the wealthiest pay more to help fund tax cuts for the poorest.

"Does he really believe that Osborne, Hague, and Cameron are the slightest bit concerned about the lower paid voters?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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