Thou shalt not steal

Funny story written by walter

Sunday, 5 February 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Proverbs are trickles of man's life. An instance is 'Set a thief to catch a thief'. None of the species, in animal kingdom, favor being robbed. When prevention failed, 10 commandments came in: 'Thou shalt not steal'; but the command fell short, too. Then constables were hired; no abatement. Additionally, an unsanctioned alliance took place between the thieves and the constables; from that point on stealing flourished. Now, companies hire cons to catch the suspect stockbrokers.

In 1970s, at a meeting of invisible elderly bankers who no longer could exercise outdoors, a member raised a Parkinson-affected shaky hand and with a raspy voice exclaimed, 'Eureka', meaning I found it. Faces slowly turned, awaiting an explanation.

The elderly banker continued, "We have failed to properly run the world. None of the standard schools of thought could save man. We need a radical implementable plan, a plan that favors righteousness of evil vs. good. The new plan has nothing to do with invasions of the past. It is going to be an inside job based on ' by the people, for the pervert, of the people. In short, let the rascals run the world. Let us help them succeed. Let's allow the devils to choose their own kings and mobilize the cons to establish their own police force, judges and parliaments. Let's give them enough rope to play."

Someone asked how. The first elderly continued, "We need a magnet, a deputy impostor, a cult leader, like Jim Jones, 1978 mass suicide of 909 Temple members in Jonestown, Guyana, a traditional shrink who can mobilize thousands of people, culprits and simpletons. They need our support to seize power. Since the cult member, the culprits, do not trust any outsider, their organization will be coup d'etat proof as they call forth all the criminals and assign them to various jobs, such as ministers, chief police, etc. Can you believe it? The whole society becomes criminal-free; a safe haven.

In no time, drug trafficking becomes a legal institute. The minister of revenue regularly dispatches burglars to homes, already surveyed by the police, in pretext of dismantling satellite dishes, while examining safe escape flights. The 10% commission paid to the burglar is fair; the rest, 90%, to the treasury is excellent; everything transparent, of course, behind closed doors.

In less than a ΒΌ of century, there shall remain, no tradition, no institutes, no religion of opium type, no responsible government agency. Soon language will change; whores will be called sex workers, an honorable job; period. Under the new definition, a sex worker, the former whore, sleeps with a guy in consideration of certain amount of money. The job description defines that such a woman is required to expose her clefts; get undressed in bed and allow the customer to gently touch her, provided he will not squeeze hard her breast, etc.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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