Isle of Wight News - Newby villagers will not be watching Royal Wedding on the telly

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for Isle of Wight News - Newby villagers will not be watching Royal Wedding on the telly
Newby villagers will NOT be watching the Royal Wedding on the telly.

Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight are NOT going to be watching the Royal Wedding on t.v.

When asked "Why not?", Mrs. Irma Hoar, of Cheating Crescent, Newby, answered,

"Well, for crying out loud, the world didn't 'stand still' when me and our lad got married 32 years back. It's only a bloody wedding for Christ sake. Folk get married every bloody day.

What difference will THIS wedding make in the Grand Scheme of things? I ask you! What good have THEY done in their lives...?

That money being spent on those two could be better spent on other stuff. What a bleeding waste. (I am holding back with my language there by the way.)

Our church's roof leaks. Our school's Primary School's toilets are blocked up, and have been for 3 months. The people living close to the school are allowing the children to use THEIR personal toilets when they 'have to go' and that's for number twos too! These residents are ALSO providing the toilet paper AND air freshners, out of their own pockets.


The Queen has not so much as sent us ONE 12 pack of toilet rolls or ONE air freshner, even though we have emailed the palace on numerous occasions.

Christ! We are boycotting the t.v. coverage of this expensive waste of money and we do believe others should be following our lead.

I would say what I REALLY mean but it would not get by the censors on this site. (That sentence should end with quotation marks but I have buggered up my keyboard again. Sorry!)

Well - we will see if the residents of Newby village actually CAVE on THE DAY...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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