Ex-MP Eric Illsley faces expenses scam sentence

Funny story written by Inchcock

Thursday, 10 February 2011

image for Ex-MP Eric Illsley faces expenses scam sentence
Other crooked MPs are expected to support the crooked MP in court case!

From Dense Inchcock Spoorf Gazette Reporter - 10th Feb 2011 - 1049hrs

Disgraced former Labour MP Eric Illsley faces a possible prison term when he is sentenced for fiddling his expenses.

Illsley, 55, was under massive pressure to stand down as the member for Barnsley Central after he pleaded guilty last month to dishonestly claiming some £14,500 of public money.

But he did not quit as an MP until Tuesday night, and is believed to have received about £5,400 from his £65,000-a-year parliamentary salary since admitting the offences.

His defence Barrister Altaf Hussain (One that Haliburton uses) said they will be calling on the following eminent people for character references.

Labour MP Eric Joyce : Who committed repeated Drink Driving Crimes.

Lord Taylor, a former Conservative peer: Found guilty of fiddling his expenses - £88,000.

Labour MP Tony McNulty: Who admitted he had claimed some £60,000 as a second-home allowance for a property which is actually his parents' home.

Lib-Dem MP David Laws: Caught fiddling £40,000 of taxpayers' money.

Former Labour MP David Chaytor: Who was jailed for 18 months for fiddling claims totalling £22,650.

Labour MP Harry Cohen: Fiddled £70,000 on a London property while charging rent on his main home in Colchester where he also maintained a seaside caravan.

Former Labour MP Elliot Morley: Who was to walk away with £64,766 when he quit at the next election - even without the amount he allegedly wrongly claimed in expenses, which comes to £30,428, he still received £34,338.

Labour MP Jim Devine: Who is alleged to have submitted five false invoices for cleaning and maintenance work to his London flat, and two false documents to claim for printing leaflets, totalling almost £9,000.

Conservative Lord Taylor of Warwick: Convicted of dishonestly claiming £11,277 in allowances and expenses.

Labour peer Lady Uddin: Was accused of claiming more than £100,000 in expenses for a flat she did not live in, and amazingly did not face any criminal charges, the Crown Prosecution Service confirmed. Oh yes... it stinks

Conservative MP Andrew MacKay: Resigned from his position as parliamentary aide to David Cameron, in the wake of the furore over Parliamentary expenses after what was described as an "unacceptable" (£100,000) expenses claim.

Conservative Julie Kirkbride: Who had to pay back £29,243 in wrongly claimed expenses.

Former Labour MP David Chaytor: Serving an 18-month jail sentence after admitting claiming false parliamentary expenses to the tune of more than £22,000.

Conservative MP David Tredinnick: Who claimed £755 for astrology software!

Former Labour Minister Jim Knight: Who was ordered to pay back more than £3,600 after allowing his local Labour party to use a printing machine he had claimed on parliamentary expenses.

Conservative MP Bill Wiggin: Who was told to repay £4,000 in overclaimed expenses.

Labour MP Denis MacShane: This former Europe minister, was found to have falsely claimed more than £5,900.

Conservative MP, David Mundell: Accused of overspending on expenses.

Labour's Peer Lord Clarke: The Former Labour chairman admitted claiming overnight allowances for staying in London when he was actually staying at home in St Albans, repaying the £9,190 in respect of the claims. (After originally denying it, and then seeing the proof of his guilt - makes you puke dosen't it?)

Conservative MP David Curry: Who was ordered to repay £128,000 in fiddled expenses.

The Four Lib Dem MPs, John Barrett: Sandra Gidley, Paul Holmes and Richard Younger-Ross: Who showed "serious misjudgment" and were ordered to repay money earned from second homes, totalling over £195,000.

Conservative MP, and now minister, Dr Liam Fox: Who had to grudgingly repay had to repay £1,050 for a television for his second home, and £730 for an armchair.

Labour MPs Alan and Ann Keen: Who were ordered to repay £1,500 in fiddled expenses.

Conservative George Osborne: (Now the the Governments Chancellor!) Who in 2010 was ordered to repay £1,666 after Parliament's sleaze watchdog found he had overclaimed for a mortgage on his country home. (Ha!)

Former Labour Minister Ivor Caplin: Who who was ordered to hand over almost £18,000 in fiddled expenses.

Former Labour's Mohammed Sarwar MP: Who claimed £192,986.87 in expenses.

Conservative MP Anne Main: Who was ordered to repay £7,100 after expenses fiddling inquiry in 2010.

Labour MP Harry Cohen: Who gladly took £60,000 from the taxpayer for a second home while letting out his main property.

Labour MP, and defence minister Quentin Davies: Who claimed more than £10,000 from the taxpayer to repair window frames at the 18th-century mansion he designated as his second home. And later submitted a £20,700 bill for building work including repairs to a bell tower at his stately home in Lincolnshire. Then said "It is all a joke and everybody knows I haven't done anything remotely wrong."

Labours then Prime minister Gordon Brown: Who had to repay a £500 expense claim for repairs to his summerhouse in 2009.

Labour Former Minister Shahid Malik: Who controversially claimed £1,050 for a plasma television, also claimed £48.94 for a TV wall bracket, on MPs expenses.

Conservative former Shadow culture secretary Jeremy Hunt: Ordered to repay £9,500, for allowing his agent to stay rent-free in taxpayer-subsidised home. (Wonder if Willy Hague knew about this?)

Labour MP David Miliband: Who was threatened with legal action over from South Tyneside council, which covers his South Shields constituency home, for late payment of £64.44.

Labour MP Michael Gove: Who was threatened with legal action over from South Tyneside council, which covers his South Shields constituency home, for late payment of £1,734.38.

Labour MP Andrew Dismore: Who claimed £34,000 in second home allowances for a west London flat, where his girlfriend runs a homeopathy clinic, while declaring a property just a few miles away in his north London constituency as his main residence.

Conservative MP Bernard Jenkin: Ordered in 2009 to repay £63,000, related to the cost of renting a property in his constituency, that was outside the constituency.

Lib Dem employment minister Ed Davey: Who was refused £115.64 expenses for a phone bill after he failed to provide sufficient evidence.

Labours' MP Robert William Ainsworth: Who had an expense claim of £1,526.50 for 'Cost of maintaining and cleaning of gold fish pond rejected.

"Naturally I expect the support of the other 198 MPs caught fiddling their expenses since 2009, and that along with the costly back handers, and finding an edge to our cause through threats and blackmail, I anticipate a successful outcome of the case for our crook... I mean client."

Sir Ian Kennedy of Ipsa says that last years 3,874 wrong claims were the result of error, not exploitation of the new system.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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