Banking on Banks

Funny story written by j.w.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

image for Banking on Banks
City Man on the way to Tory HQ

With the news that over half Tory funds come from the City - £11.4 million in total last year - George Osborne has increased the tax on Banks by £800 million.

Among the party of 60 City donors who gave more than £50,000 to the Tories there was dismay that their investment was producing such a poor return. 'Let us hope this is window dressing so we can still get our bonuses' said one to me as he scuttled into the Stock Exchange.

With Balls, the new Labour Shadow Chancellor, floored before he could open his mouth City bosses were, however, generally admiring of Osborne's clever tactics. 'I thought he was a wet fish' said one as he dined at Claridges on caviar and oysters 'but no, someone has given him some brain power. They say fish is good for that. Perhaps we should ask him around here sometime, if he behaves himself.'

'That Cameron appears to have got on top of things' said a Dinner guest as he stuck his fork into a pheasant killed just hours before and flown down from Scotland 'he's got those lily-livered liberals where he wants them. What a pushover they were!'

'Oh yes. Things are looking up. I think we should keep them going. I don't fancy that Balls fellar at the Treasury. He knows far too much. Still I think we can deal with him - he's got Brown written all over him.'

So the meal ended with a toast over the Brandy - 'For they are Jolly Good Fellars' rang out and the money jungle felt safe and sound.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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