Betting Opens on Rowling Trial

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Wednesday, 5 January 2011


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All down to ammo.

International Bookmakers have just opened a book on the outcome of the impending trial for plagiarism of J.K.Rowling in London's High Court scheduled for later this year.

Bookie Juan Borneveryday said:

"Our view is that it will be a tough contest. Our final analysis is that the opposition will have too much to do and Rowling should win going away. We make Rowling odds on at 4/6 and Willy's mob a 9/2 shot. Making Dumbledore a poofter was not a good move on Rowling's part but we figure it will have no bearing on the case. May indeed be in her favour depending on who the jury are. However, the law is the law, and it is all down to proof. Good value for the outsider."

Abel Tomug had a different view:

"We don't see this as a cut and dried bout. Rowling may have all the ammunition but it is the referee's call at the end of the day. And low blows, thumbs in the eyes , juggernaut tactics etc, for which Rowling's legal boys Schillings' are notorious could see the verdict swing in Willy's favour. It'll be a close call. We make Rowling 11/8 and Willy 5/2."

Another bookie, Knowt Toulouse, was more forthcoming as many smaller bookmakers use their odds:

"Napoleon Bonaparte was fond of saying that "God is with the best artillery". Without question Rowling has the fire power and much greater experience in the ring. Her team have been in many bouts and so far remain undefeated.

"She has enomous financial backup as well. In America she would be in a position to buy the judge, the jury, the stenographer, the police, their guard dogs, and the building.

"On the other hand, Napoleon got stuffed at Waterloo when all the odds seemed to be in his favour and so it may come down to who has the knock-out punch and that could well be the Willy team. The unexpected left-hook could be plain REASON that has sometimes been seen to be thrown in an English court.

"Although, it was nowhere to be seen in the Da Vinci case some while back. I mean why would Rowling take five years to write 38 pages of a book she claimed to be "the best idea I ever had"? Just, doesn't add up. We figure Willy's team have truth and reason on their side and will win. So, we make Willy 5/4 and Rowling 2/1."

Philip Debags said: "We forget Rowling has massive power in the media and support right across the board and all over the world. Her image has been carefully engineered like Maggie Thatcher's, so that in the public mind she is virtually incapable of anything untoward. Almost a saint, in fact, as was Maggie, until she invaded the Falklands.

"This perception will give her a definite edge with the jury. So, in our opinion, it may well be all be done and dusted even before it comes to court and we cannot rule out the possibility of a deal being struck behind closed doors as is often the case in this sort of thing. Then it's "rain stopped play" and everybody goes home.

"Nevertheless, if it does go to court, it will be down to what evidence the Willy the Wizard team have against her.

"Our sources have tried and failed to get any further information from their stable. They are playing their cards very close to their chest. On the other hand, common sense tells you they MUST have something or they would not have spent seven years and who-knows-what-amount-of-money bringing the case to trial in the first place. Therefore, we are not taking any chances with this one as the Willy rig may come late in the home stretch and confound all predictions. Willy 8/11, Rowling 2/1."

Nag McMugsbet said: "We have studied the case in great depth. Rowling has it all to do. Nothing in her story adds up and we Irish know all about stories and how they are made. You would need to be deaf, dumb, blind and stupid, in our opinion, to buy into all that guff about an "idea on a train". Pull the other one, Miss Rowling! It'll all come out in the wash one of these days and we wouldn't be giving any odds whatever about that.

"We make Willy the Wizard a 1/5 shot and Rowling a 10/1 no-hoper. Harry Potter fans are welcome to drop into our offices and hand over their money. We are open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, except on St. Patrick's day."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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