5 things you need to survive a night on the lash

Funny story written by masterchev

Friday, 26 November 2010

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An Asian bar. An eighteenth birthday meal. And the Birthday Boy lashed on three cans of Strongbow.

What could possibly go wrong?

The night soon descended into chaos when he started to smear curry on the tablesheets. Two pints later and we were soon making our excuses.

But how can you avoid these circumstances? As always, Masterchev Inc. have the answers which will help you solve any unnecessary questions.

1) Only drink in the Oasis Bar and Grill. No real drinking required, and you'll get safely smashed on the "Welsh Special" cocktail.

2) Decide to lock the "lashed" in the loo. Not only will it save any unnecessary embarassment, but you can convince him he's in Egypt and become a human mummy.

3) Avoid any bars/clubs/pubs with flashing signs. "The Lashed" was quite interested in flashing lights as we hauled him home. We'd recommend taking your problem to a cave or a chimney: somewhere where he can't create any havoc.

4) Persuasion. The "Lashed " should easily be fooled by mental mind games. Convince him that jug of water you got is actually high strength vodka. He's guaranteed to down it faster than an Irish business collapse.

5) Karaoke Bars: Simple logic: the more you drink, the more you sing. Make sure you approve a list of songs, by artists such as "Aqua" and "Jamiroquai" before he decides to drink.

Follow these steps to ensure a fun night for all!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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