Alcoholic Energy Drinks Added to Oxymoron Dictionary

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 18 November 2010


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"I feel Energized! But I can't feel my toes"

After a long day at work, just when you thought you might want to kick back and relax at home or at your favorite pub, have a couple of cocktails and call it an evening, here come high energy boosting cocktails in a can.

Having the exact opposite effect as might be intended, a few of these carbonated gems in your system and you're ready to clean the garage, wash you car, cut the lawn, rake the leaves, and paint the house. If you happen to be a happy drunk, these might be perfect mixers for an all night salsa dance competition, but at the end of the night when you're hoping to tip a couple of toddies, go home and his the sack, no deal.

What about the inference that these could be used in the workplace to help keep those eyes open after a long night of salsa dancing? Need an energy boost? Not the best combination of liquid products really, if you think about it. You would be highly likely to be inept in the performance of your duties, but you would also be highly motivated in your ineptitude. Hopefully that's not the day your employer decides to pull a random drug screening.

Nope, this was a bad idea waiting for a law suit. The graphics on these cans make them look like all the other energy drinks as well, fooling the consumer, or providing the plausible deniability if you wanted to bring a few into the workplace. "Honest boss, I had no idea they were alcoholic". Wink, Wink. "Here's a cold one for ya. Good thing we're not making airplanes!", said the aerospace engineer.

"Alcoholic Energy Drinks", newly added to the Oxymoron Dictionary just ahead of "Jumbo Shrimp", "Safe Sex" and "Military Intelligence".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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