Health Alert Issued As Heatwave Set To Continue

Funny story written by Herr Riballs

Friday, 9 July 2010

The Met Office has today issued a severe health warning as parts of the UK are set to see the mercury rise to a sultry 58 degrees Fahrenheit.

The 400 page leaflet was produced amid growing concerns that a staggering 96% of British people fail to recognize the symptoms of being warm or how to tackle it.


"Being warm is the new silent killer and many will be unaware until it's too late" said Rita Mancini from the Met Office. She continued "Some parts of the UK are experiencing unseasonal temperatures of nearly 70 degrees; the highest since records began".

Heat Tsar Carlos Adebayor said

"People need to be aware of what being warm actually is. A reddening of the face and lethargy are normally the first signs to look for and can be caught if treated early on. However, 9 times out of 10 it's gone too far once the first bead of sweat appears.

Usually on the forehead or top lip. Perspiration in the lower back area is a sign of real concern and those afflicted must seek urgent medical help" he said gravely.


Micah Benjani from the Heatwave Commission told us "Victims of warmth could think about maybe removing their coats and winter fleeces and instead wear a jumper or cardigan. Another sensible idea is to leave the central heating off for perhaps an hour a day or even turn the electric blanket down a notch".

"We would also advise sufferers to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of alcohol such as lager. Studies have shown that heat awareness is minimised as the drinker falls into a deep sleep" he pointed out.

PC Stevie Ireland from Crimestoppers said

"Leave all windows and doors open to disperse any signs of heat in your rooms. Even when you go out. Or go on holiday for a fortnight."

"Remember, would be burglars will be feeling lethargic and warm too so propensity to commit wrongdoing is lowered" he argued.

About time

Warmth victim Rachel Santa Cruz from Brighton was clearly unaware she was a victim of warmth until she read the 400 page booklet. She explained "My ex boyfriend Elano used to tease me all the time. I used to say things like 'Is it warm in here or is it me?'. Of course he
said it was me. After reading the advice I realise now it wasn't me" she said triumphantly.

The Government has set up a special website for those thinking they
might be lukewarm, slightly warm, or moderately tepid.


To raise awareness MGTV is running the Summer Of Fun Heat Awareness Campaign. So for your chance to win, with £85.00 up for grabs, just answer the following simple question:

Being warm is:

A) Cold
B) Freezing
C) Sweating buckets with a raging temperature where you can't get your breath.

Text your answer A, B or C to 1234. Each text costs £25.00 plus one standard network rate message.

Or call 1234 with your answer: Each call costs £16.00 from your BT landline. Calls from other networks are always a lot more and calls from mobiles will require a sizeable loan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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