This intrepid under-cover reporter has secretly obtained a copy of the 'Dummy's guide to being a family court judge'.
This is supplied to all solicitors and barristers when they offer to do one day a week as a deputy district judge at their local county court. It is also supplied to the volunteer magistrates before they sit on family cases in the magistrates court.
a) How to tell the winners and losers: It is easy - whatever the case just follow the gender guidelines - Women are MOTHERS and must always win as just like your mother of course they are the best parent and how DARE that awful other chap claim otherwise.
b) Contact Orders - The other chap, otherwise known as 'loser' or 'father' may DARE to question the fine upstanding woman or mother's ability to care 100% for their children at the same time as holidaying in the Mediterranean with her new partner and spending all the miserably low millions obtained through divorce settlement and child support payments, whilst leaving little Johnny in the care of an untrained person from some distant part who has little knowledge of English - and ask for a little more time with his children! You should remind him that it is perfectly possible for a father to develop his relationship with his children by means of a one-line message written on the back of the monthly cheques to the mother - after all that's how you maintained your relationship with your children whilst they were at private school and then in prison, so it must be okay.
Further extracts to follow...