Hairless 200XL HiFi Cable, product review

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

image for Hairless 200XL HiFi Cable, product review
The Hairless 200XL HiFi cable

I must admit I was sceptical when I first received this cable for review from Hairless HiFi cable company. At £500 a metre it seemed a little expensive.

This uni-directional quasi fluxed gold connexion cable has the usual quantum tunnelling, light wave amplification and electrical dampening properties HiFi buffs have come to know and love in the higher end price bracket, but in addition, it is dishwasher safe and can be used as an emergency tow-rope. It can also be used as a toe-rope for the lexicographically challenged. With it's Vibrational Dampening technology, it not only improves a standard Hi-Fi, but will also improve video reception in a television without even being plugged into the TV.

Upon opening the package from the company my alopecia was instantly cured, and my wife became pregnant, despite my infertility and her visiting Taiwan at the time. Incredible. It stopped a dimensional rift from forming in my living room, eradicated all the viruses off my computer and unscrambled the encrypted channels on my Freeview decoder. And that was before I connected it to my HiFi.

Once I had connected it between my Hi-Fi and Amp and switched it on, I, a sceptical phonophobe, was instantly converted. I put in a Michael Hutchins CD, and it brought fourth his ghost to perform in my living room. The track, Suicide Blonde actually prevented the suicide of the blonde who lives in the flat downstairs from me, as she too could feel the pitch perfect notes energise her body. Even when the song had finished, the angelic chorus that soaked from the walls of my flat continued to uplift my soul.

I have compared this cable with my RealTones 1200dpi (review elsewhere) and although it is half the price, it is easily four times the quality, and this cable survived five minutes in my blender, which is more than can be said for the 1200dpi!

I must admit that there was a moments panic with this product, when I connected it back to front, as my speakers started to produce dark matter, and an unholy demonic stench emanated from under my floorboards, however, this was corrected instantly the moment I connected the cable correctly.

In summary, this is THE best cable for sound quality, dimensional rift restructuring and emergency motor-vehicle repair available on the market today. However, I am reluctant to recommend it, as they only do it in black. I would have preferred to have a choice of colours, but this option is unavailable. For this reason, I can only give it four out of five Spoof Stars.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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