Dear Fr. Francois:
I am in a loveless marriage--well, it is loveless for me. My wife of 22 years is in love alright, with a donkey she worked with in Tijuana. Marissa claims their relationship has only been a "professional" relationship; but I wonder why she's always slipping away from Ocean Beach to meet Juan in Chula Vista?
I'm saddened to tell you that I hired a private investigator, Dick Tracy, to follow Marissa and to document these meetings. Dick and I met today and he showed me photograph after photograph of my wife and Juan, getting it on, over and over again.
Sure, he has more stamina than me--and he certainly has a longer penis--and yes, she screams out his name (Dick made a video tape for me)--but I am the one footing the bills for her lingerie and monthly trips to her primary care physician who cures her STD's. I'm glad she doesn't want to have sex with me any longer!
Is it acceptable for me to divorce Marissa? I mean, she is committing bestiality, at worse, and adultery, at best. Can I get remarried, in the Church?
Cuckolded by a Donkey Dick
Before I can go to the Bishop on your behalf, I'll need copies of all the photographs and digital films Dick took for you of the two of them...doing it. I was in Chula Vista last weekend and saw a "dog and pony show."
Your wife, Marissa, wouldn't happen to have flaming red hair down to her heart shaped ass; pouting, ruby red lips that can suck the chrome off a bumper; and large, pendulous breasts with one nipple that points up and one that points down would she?
Is Juan the donkey a gray-brown mix who's hung like a horse? I need those photos and videos, Cuck. The sooner the better, for all involved.
Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J.