16. "Hey, Humble Boy, my face is up here. Those don't talk."
15. Apparently can't recall your name because she keeps referring to you as "Bachelor #666".
14. She fails to laugh at your favorite restaurant joke, the old mustard mustache.
13. While your windshield is being squeegeed, she says "Give him a good tip, he's my Ex."
12. First thing she says when she sees you is "Great, what is this Capricorn week?"
11. Keeps sighing really loud and proclaiming to one and all, "Oh, I wish I was dead!"
10. Keeps on quoting from something called "O'Donnell's Book of Lifetime Observations & Slaps". Then slaps you again.
9. "My goodness is it 7:30 already? My, how time flies."
8. "Would you mind if I ordered fries with mine, Mr. John Asshole Rockefeller?"
7. "Now where was I? Oh, #37, my father never told my mother that he loved her after they were married back in 1982. Or was it, 1981? Anyway, #38....."
6. Ten minutes into the date she lets go a belch that's at least ten seconds long and then declares, "Oh, that's nothing, I won every farting contest they had during my Senior Year! I'll have to show you my trophies sometimes."
5. "You DIDN'T see it? Wow! Well, Mr. Gore doesn't come out at the very first..oh oh let's start with the polar bears."
4. "Well, wait till my old man sees what I've drug home this time!"
3. When she told you she was a "Person of color" in her emails, somehow you weren't expecting Green.
2. Fifteen minutes into the date "Fun Girl" has already given you noogies twice four wedgies.
1. She keeps asking, "Now how long have you been telling people on the internet that you're a 16-year-old teenager, Mr. Nader?"
