Peanut Butter Internet Dating Scam Smacked Down By Spoof Police

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Friday, 19 December 2008

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Bubbly Blonde, GSOH, WLTM, Okay, Enough Lies Already!

Spoof reporters tonight accompanied Spoof police officers on a series of raids targeted at internet dating site fraud.

'Quite often, what you see is not what you're about to get,' explained Sergeant John Sergeant-Smythe. 'I mean, it's ridiculous the claims which some of these lonely hearts have come up with. We're gonna knack em. Knack em I tell you.'

Since the astonishing revelation that a Dudley man turned up in a pub in Wolverhampton expecting to meet a 'petite blonde forty something with a GSOH and a love of opera and fine wines' who actually turned out to be a komodo dragon with a sign stapled to its neck stating: Feed me some peanut butter. NOW. - trading standards officers and the police have decided enough is enough.

'It's just not right this,' Said Spoof PC Jesus Buddha. 'These people come out in good faith expecting to meet the person of their respective dreams and end up suckered into dating some kind of venomous lizard with a craving for peanut butter. It has to be nipped in the bud.'

Spoof PC Queen Mudder added: 'We can't have this. It's just too mental for words, yesterday we had a report of a woman turning up to meet an Amazonion bullfrog with a sign nailed to its chest saying 'Feed Me Peanut Butter Now You Bastard.'

The frog had apparently posted to the effect that it liked long walks in the country. It's getting seriously out of hand is this

The dawn raids resulted in the detention of several species of fauna.

Spoof PC Buckwheatsbutt told us: 'They had it coming'

Several endangered species not considered suitable for internet dating are assisting the Spoof Police with their enquiries.

Spoof Police Commissioner Sir Mark Lowton concluded:

'The days when venemous reptiles and lizards and stuff like that can pass themselves off as bubbly blondes who WLTM Russian billionaires for fun and cycle rides to national trust properties, with a GSOH and a craving for peanut butter are over. We're not having it any more.'

Rumours that the arrested reptiles have free and unlimited access to ASPARTAME whilst in custody have been vehemently denied by Minister For Incarcerated Reptilian Internet Con Merchants, Sir Bernard Breslaw.

Baroness Thatcher was reportedly 'drooling like a good un' and clapping her hands together in demented glee.

More if we can afford it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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