New Spandau Ballet single comes out

Written by matwil

Thursday, 26 March 2009


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Rula Hesska

Minutes after the 1980s' pop band Spandau Ballet announced they were reforming, they brought out a single, and here are the lyrics:

'We want gold (gold!), to line our worn-out pockets
To see our accountants smile again
You're unbelievable
Never believing, we are -

Shit (shit!), crap that was crap even then
We were so bad it was fun
We're diabolical
Never believing, we are -

Hyped (hyped!), tosh that won't last til Friday
Half of them look like they're gay
This is so feeble
Never turning, the TV off!'

The band's manager, Rudolf Heston, had this to say about the reformation: 'Well, John Knox on bass will be good, and I'm getting in John Calvin to replace Tony Badly as singer. As for Gary Kempes, the best place for him is in Walford, making ham sandwiches.'

The single is widely expected to sink like a Led Zeppelin balloon, that's been shot down by the 4th regiment of Yodelling Spoofers in Wessex.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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