Written by Earl Grey

Saturday, 7 March 2009

image for Robbie Kray - The Forgotten Brother
Robbie Kray and Rover Kray

The funeral was held today of Robbie Kray, the forgotten Kray brother. Literally nobody gathered at Whitechapel crematorium to pay their respects to the former East End villain. Barbara Windsor was too busy filming Eastenders to attend.

Robbie was considerably younger than his more infamous siblings and by the time he was starting out on his criminal career Reggie, Ronnie and Charlie were all in prison. Without this leadership Robbie's career was doomed to fail.

He attended Stepney Approved School for Boys where he was universally disliked. During his time there he formed 'the gang' with Reg Rabies as the only other member. They attempted to operate a dinner money scam, but as all the other boys had packed lunch it failed to take off.

After school Robbie set up a protection racket with Rabies, 'Mad' Mickey Mumbles. Dave 'Butter Knife' Spencer and 'Tiny' Tony Travers. They planned to collect money from local businesses in return for providing protection.

The plan failed. Travers was set upon by a gang of schoolgirls in a newsagents' the gang were meant to be protecting. He suffered horrific injuries when a hockey stick was inserted in his . . . . . (well you get the picture). Rabies was sent to prison for his part in the infamous Terry Wogan kidnapping. And Robbie himself was arrested for failing to return a library book on time.

Robbie Kray soon faded from public life. In the film of the Krays, the Kemp brothers famously portrayed Reggie and Ronnie. All of Tony Hadley's scenes as Robbie were cut out of the film.

Robbie Kray died alone and took with him to the grave the secrets surrounding the Terry Wogan kidnapping and the Eurovision Song Contest fixing scandal which followed it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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