Boris Johnson to save taxpayers billions of pounds

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

image for Boris Johnson to save taxpayers billions of pounds
City Hall is available for Weddings, Barmitzvahs, Funerals and Car Boot Sales

While councils all over the UK cry into their canteen soups (low-salt, healthy option variety) over the billions of pounds they have lost by investing in banks in Iceland and the UK, or in trying to help the thousands of relatives of the Nigerian Oil Ministry who have inherited $25million and need someone to accept it for a fee, the Mayor of London and jolly good egg, Sir Boris Johnson, has just received an 11 out of 10 for his own fiscal policies.

In running his tight ship that is the Greater London Council, the great man has shaved millions and millions off the annual budgetary spend of the City of London, and is in line for making the greatest public sector savings the world, or even Penge or Doncaster have ever seen.

The 4 billion pound savings about to be made by Boris is based on an extremely simple formula, put into practice without even phoning, let alone contracting with, commission-greedy money-grabbers such as Crapita or KPMG.

This formula is simply just based on the Greater London Council neither buying nor paying for anything. Never. At all. Ever again.

The Mayor is said to be absolutely chuffed at his discovery, and really questions why this simple solution couldn't have been applied sooner.

He added: "We are bound to save a fortune if we don't buy or spend anything, and I urge other councils throughout the UK to do the same. For cripes sakes, the Scots haven't bought or paid for anything for centuries, and look how well-to-do they bally are now. Eh! Cripes!"

Chancellor of the Exchequer, the grey-haired man with glasses who is in trouble for not checking what the banks had been doing with their excessive profits for the past 12 years, said that, yes, it's a very laudable gesture on the part of the Mayor of London, but even with his short-sightedness, the Chancellor could forsee somewhat slight problems at the end of each month when bills remain unpaid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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