Written by Aspartame Boy

Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Doomberg Financial Tool Calculates Retirement Date
13th Infideltiy Bank Chairman Rich Shiester - vault containing 99.9 percent of the world's bank notes

NOHAVEN, Conneticut - Doomberg - Press Release - New member - financial tool suite: TireDayCalc.

TireDayCalc calculates when you can retire, based on input from an army of financial pronostibators, dicountants and confidence men at 13th Infidelity Bank.

A novel Javacumn script sucks up all the data from your computer for you, so you don't need to type anything. Given the state of the economy these, days, who has fingers steady enough for typing anyway, so this is a great feature.

The tool is available for eight easy monthly payments that should be affordable to anyone contemplating retirement soon:


Payments are scaled for anticipated deflation.

After all the payments are made to Doomberg through the 13th Infidelity Bank, a letter is sent to you informing you that you will never be able to retire, since the government will not be able to make meaningfull Social Security payments, and Doomberg has all your money and the data from your computer which it has just deleted for you.

From that point on you get monthly letters requesting contributions to the Bank to help rescue it from lack-of-growth pains.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Economy

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more