Presidential Hopefulls Exposed by Eric Shun

Written by JAB

Friday, 4 January 2008

CONCORD, New Hampshire -- Just days before the January 8th New Hampshire Primary, a focus group of Democrats, Republicans and Independents was gathered at the Winnacunnet High School auditorium.

The Ladies Tea and Biscuit Club of Chicks Corner thought ---"we the people…" --- should be asking the Presidential hopefuls the questions instead of the "talking heads".

While the mainstream media were not invited, student Eric Shun managed to get some of the session on his iPHONE to share with us.Unfortunately, the responses were inaudible due to the candidates trying to yell over one another.

Here, is part of the transcript:

Mr. Mike Huckabee, "Apart from being 'able to leap tall buildings in a single bound' your campaign suggests you can do anything because you're the closest to God. Do you think now, is the time to change your name to Clark Kent?"

Mr. John Edwards, "In your debate of 2004 with Vice President Cheney you said --- "the fact that they have a gay daughter, the fact that they embrace her. It's a wonderful thing ---" I'm sure your comment was out of concern and sensitivity and nothing more. So the question to your sensitive side is which cowpoke in the movie Brokeback Mountain would you embrace?"

Governor Romney, "Many people are questioning the reinventing of yourself on positions you held in the past such as abortion, immigration, gay rights, the environment, it's almost as if for the last several years you've been in outer…

"Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!"…

…Thank you sir, I come in peace."

Senator Obama, "There have been reports suggesting you are a distant cousin to Vice President Dick Cheney. If you were quail hunting with Dog the Bounty hunter and your buckshot went errant, would you hit him on the right side of the face or the left testicle?"

Senator Clinton, "You say you have 35 years of experience. Do you think you may be over qualified to be President of the United States?"

Senator McCain, "You have a reputation of having a quick temper. If you were in a heated discussion with Senator Byrd that you didn't think was going to be resolved; would you turn your back and walk away or kick his walker and let him fall flat on his face?"

Mr. Fred Thompson, "Dr.Robert Boucher,FDA ear nose and throat specialist, has warned of a sudden reduction or loss…ah, over this way Mr. Thompson… of hearing following the…I have a sore throat but I'll try to speak louder… use of Viagra,Cialis and Levitra. Do you think it's necessary in light of this and other recent problems to revamp the procedures used by the FDA?"

Mayor Giuliani, "From the beginning of your public career, some of your actions have suggested insensitivity and grandstanding. When you were U.S. Attorney you had the Kidder, Peabody executives led away in handcuffs, while, Mayor of New York City you put pressure on the squeegee guys, your second wife, Donna Hanover, has had issues with your behavior and more recently, questions have been raised about expenses incurred while you were having an affair with your current third wife, Judy. Do you think this propensity for rubbing people the wrong way…

"…could you repeat the question, I was on my cell with Judy…

"…never mind I think my question was answered."

[Barely audible] "Edna if you take one more of Clara's Snickerdoodles I'm going to stick my hand down that big fat butt of yours and give you a wedgie that'll take an hour to undo."

End of transcript

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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