Money spinner

Written by RSVP

Thursday, 21 June 2007

21 June 2007

Alan Johnson
Secretary of State for Education and Skills
Department for Education and Skills
Sanctuary Buildings
Great Smith Street

Dear Sir

I have yet to receive a reply to my letter dated 1 February 2007. You do not strike me as someone who would ignore my questions simply because I am a taxpayer. Can you imagine if I were to ignore Gordon Brown each month simply because he is Scottish? I would have Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs upon me in a flash. That is if they could get past my highly trained and savage Argentinean hunting dog first.

You may recall the fabric of my last correspondence was to do with the ridiculous legal loophole that would allow me to enrol several international students at different schools across Britain, let them go on an excursion, tell them to get lost on purpose and then sue the school for thousands of Pounds.

I have seen your cabinet in action of late, dismissing without hesitation almost 2 million petitions against Tony "Big Brother" Blair's intended road tax solution, so I can see how our democracy works in real terms and would like to take advantage of this bedlam. A dictatorship with the majority is one thing. A dictatorship with Tony Blair is another. Lord knows what His Holiness, Gordon Brown will be like. Even New Labour hardliners Messers Clark and Milburn quiver in their boots.

But I digress.

I have enrolled sixteen students now at different schools scattered across Britain and need the OK from you that I can tell them to get lost deliberately and start legal proceedings against these schools. After initial enrolment costs and legal fees I should be looking at a net return somewhere close to your annual salary. Not bad for two weeks' work, you will agree.

Please let me know soonest so I can get the ball rolling. I have seen you sitting in PMQs, bored out of your skull, so perhaps you could skip the next one and get back to the proletariat who pays your salary.

Let's make hay while the scum whines!

Yours truly

R S V Peters

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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