Global warming scares

Funny story written by RSVP

Thursday, 21 June 2007

14 June 2007

Purbeck District Council
Westport House
Worgret Road
BH20 4PP
Dear Sir

I am a fairly new resident in these parts and was mightily relieved to find that the Isle of Purbeck is controlled by the Tories and that I hadn't landed myself in the middle of a lentil-munching, tree-hugging, Guardian-waving cesspit of leftist New Labour.

I was horrified, however, while watching the biggest tree-hugger of them all, David Attenborough's BBC piece Climate Change: Britain Under Threat. To think that soggy Dorset may one day be like the French Riviera was too much to take. Soon the snail-quaffing, garlic-reeking, limp-wristed Parisians will be demanding a house next door to the Polish family in the one-bed flat down the street and that in itself has led me to take a page out of the Swiss recycling book. They may be little men waving flags and threatening each other with one-inch knives, but they have a point when it comes to saving our planet.

But where there are threats, there remain opportunities. And I have a plan.

With temperatures rising to unprecedented levels over the next 20 years the demand for good French bistros, quality Spanish tapas houses and German beer gardens will be astronomical. The Brits will all be in bed with sunstroke and Swanage will need to make its money somewhere else.

My sister-in-law, Maretha, has Dutch connections and has outlined a plan for a council-subsidised Amsterdam-style coffee shop on the High Street. The details are still a bit hazy but rest assured, once the mind clears the money will soon come piling in. What I need to know is, are you in?

Let's make hay while the sun shines!

Yours truly

R S V Peters

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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