A media frenzy junkie fix: Judge Orders Sheriff to pickup Paris Hilton at her mansion

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Saturday, 9 June 2007

Los Angeles, California - Not since the O.J. Simpson murder trial white Ford Bronco car chase on the streets and freeways of Los Angeles has there been live coverage of a celebrity being taken into custody, until today.

After rumors of Paris Hilton not having to make physically appearance at the courthouse, but being allowed instead to phone into the courthouse, the judge ordered the county sheriff's to go get Paris Hilton and bring her to court.

After being released early at the instruction of Los Angeles County Sheriff, Lee Baca, Paris Hilton now had to face allegations filed in the pleadings by the city's district attorney's office, headed by Rocky Delgadillo, which is asking the court to re-order her back to jail and the Los Angeles County Sheriff's department in contempt of court for releasing Hilton early.

With team reporter coverage across all local news channels, camped outside the courthouse, news helicopters hovering in the sky and outside Paris Hilton's mansion, a single engine-advertising airplane, like the kind you see at the beach, flies overhead, trailing behind it, an advertising banner, which reads, "We Love Paris - The Darling Family [An ABC show promotion?]."

With five other police patrol cars already on the scene, there for crowd control, media cameras in the sky, and on the ground, rolling and camera shutters snapping away pictures, three black and white Sheriff's vehicles pulled up on Kings Road in front of Paris Hilton's mansion.

Breaking the din of yelling fans, police shouting out orders to back off and the media talking over each other giving live updates to their sister stations, the only silent pause that gave refrain came use from the continuous trashing sound of air being repeatedly broken by the rotor blades of the media helicopters that stained the clear palm tree lined Southern California sky, hovering above.

Escorted outside of her mansion down to her driveway, Paris Hilton was placed handcuffs, hands behind her back, put into the backseat of a black and white deputy sheriff's patrol car, number 865, and driven off to court and possibly to jail after being released just 48 hours earlier by the same sheriff's department.

Meanwhile back at the Courthouse, the County Board of Supervisors calling for an investigation into the sheriff department for releasing Hilton early, the powers that be jockeying for the best media spotlight to hypnotically proclaim with a straight face, to the public that they stand against the double standard the government provides people of privilege and status.

Media anchors commentary runs the full gamut. Anywhere from the speculative monetary value of what the lucky paparazzi will get for the money shot of Paris Hilton in handcuffs. All the way to bending over backwards trying to justify the obsessive, almost pornographic coverage, desperately searching for the moral lesson buried deep underneath the crosscurrents of fame, money and politics creates when one of their own is involved.

Like a Salvation Army preacher at a midnight mission preaching to the lost souls of an inebriated congregation gathered there for the free meal and warm bed, the news anchor's voice is lost against the spilt-screen coverage, live broadcast of sheriff's deputy patrol car number 865 making side winding rhythmic motions through the streets of Los Angeles to its underground courthouse parking lot destination, reporters gathered outside charging every black and white that passes by.

Resembling mass hypnosis rather than media for the masses, the public is charmed snake oil salesmen that clog up our airwaves. An entranced public waits, suffering the advertisements, hoping, and praying for a breaking news update.

An hour or so later, the hearing over and the judge making his decision, it is announced, like a whale breaching the surface for air, Paris Hilton is remanded back into the custody of the sheriff and ordered back to her Lynwood, California jail cell to serve out the rest of her term.

Reportedly, she went out crying and screaming for her mother who was present in the courtroom as she was carried away to the courthouse holding cell to be transported later. We switch the channel looking for the next tonic to cure us of our incurable illness, our media frenzy junkie fix. Draw nearer to your dealer. It will only sting for just a bit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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