Dear Paraphernalia4Your Genitalia: The Virginity Monologues

Written by Pointer

Thursday, 19 April 2007


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Dear P4YG,

I have been a faithful participant in an abstinence only Christian youth group since I have been ten years old. My father who I see about as often as I get my period as he is a very important person gave me a promise ring when I turned 11. He told me this would electrocute me if I ever had sex. I know my parents love me (my mother tells me every time she gets drunk or before she goes out with her prayer partner, Bobby).

My problem is now that I am seventeen and have a love interest, I am having trouble preserving my virginity. Dad's ring must only work for old-fashion sex since our almost daily anal and oral "cuddling" have never caused the electrocution. My prayer partner, Randy (Bobby's son) is no longer happy with our cuddling and he wants to "go all the way"

Should I take off the promise ring? Will I get struck with lightning worse than the electric shock from the ring? Do you think my mother's permanent comes from her electric wedding ring when she and Bobby pray together all night while my important father is away? Why can't Randy be happy with blow jobs and olympic assplay? Is it wrong for me to think that little Bobby is not the one for me?

Plugged in, in more ways than one


My advice is that a good girl like you has given Lil B more than he has earned. Save yourself, girlfriend, if not for marriage at least for someone worth getting electrocuted for. . .

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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