(New York--NY) It's Ed-E-torial #5. Or as we like to call it: "The one where Ed admits his dark secret."
(Washington, D.C.) President Bush continues his version of the East Coast-West Coast rap Wars of the 1990s with sometime homey, Russian President Vladimir Putin. It appears that Bush is troubled by the vanishing freedom of the Russian people. Said Bush, "I'm concerned about the ability for people in Russia to express their opinion and whether or not dissent is tolerated." Bush then cited his administration's monitoring of US citizen phone conversations, bank accounts and library book selections as an example of protecting freedom because "it's not so much spying as much as it's making sure every viewpoint is recorded."
(Washington, D.C.) In a related note, Vice President Dick Cheney offered a buckshot olive branch to President Putin with an invitation to go hunting. The Vice President added, "I'll even give him a head start before I aim."
(New York--NY) Pharmaceutical giant Merck is flushed with victory over a recent court ruling that it was not liable in the heart attack death of a New Jersey woman. In a move as surprising as it was psychotic, Merck President, Raymond Gilmartin, announced that he would be relaunching the popular anti-inflammatory arthritis drug. "We've won three cases and lost two," said Gilmartin. "That's batting 600, a super star in my book." He then added that the drug had a 100% success rate since "death is a palliative effect."
Watch Ed-E-torial #5 on YouTube:
