Gormless consumer behaviour on show as Pop does, in fact, continue to eat itself

Funny story written by Dr Jon

Monday, 27 June 2011


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Six months, one album and a single appearance on "Never Mind the Bollocks". Tops.

There was brief excitement today as some band got into the charts with a song that sounded a bit like a good song that an older band did years ago but everyone had forgotten about.

Both songs contain a reasonably catchy riff and a decent chorus, and to be honest, at face value are sort of alright.

Unfortunately, Radio 1 have immediately decided to play-list the new song with such grinding frequency, that by the weekend you would rather take a nail gun to yourself than have to listen to the fucking thing one more time.

Meanwhile, those of a pretentious bent have rushed out en masse to buy the old band's only album, in order to play it on their iPod in the vain hope someone will notice and be impressed by their supposed superior musical knowledge.

Alas, It turns out the old band's album consisted of that one single, that one single as a twelve inch, and the rest is just a load of lazy old cod, which is why they disappeared so completely in the first place.

Alex Petridis of the Guardian, ever eager to be ahead of the game, has rushed out a hastily researched and vapid piece, mainly it seems with the intention of demonstrating how cool he is, as if he were Nick Kent or something, not the music writer for a newspaper aimed at middle aged liberals who thought Katie Melua was cutting edge.

Those losers who write the "entertainment" bits for the Sun and the Mirror, on the other hand, contented themselves with concocting spurious bollocks and running it under great big pictures.

Paul Morley, as ever, just hung around looking like a glandular Geography teacher and talking about himself.

The band themselves have been ruthlessly pushed into a breathless round of PR, which mainly involves them being photographed standing around with silly hair and conclusively demonstrating that whilst they may be able to passably spank a guitar, in conversation they are about as interesting as any bunch of nineteen year olds.

In excitement terms, therefore, that's roughly comparable to a weekend locked in a tumble dryer factory.

"It's soooo great", said some cock off Absolute radio, or perhaps bloody Heart FM or something "everyone's talking about them sounding a bit like the older band. Or do they sound like the older band sounding a bit like an even older band? Or do they....well, I think I've ground the sodding point out there enough really, haven't I?"

The new band, in homage to their influences, plan to produce an album containing the single, a phoned-in Cenzo Townshend remix of the single, and a load of half-assed filler.

They will then piss off into oblivion, as, apparently has every other new band since 1996.

When reached for comment, that bloke from Franz Ferdinand said "I remixed a single for someone else once you know."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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