Superman Announces He's Reinventing Himself; Lady Gaga Will Assist

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 6 June 2011

image for Superman Announces He's Reinventing Himself; Lady Gaga Will Assist
The BEFORE photo.

Still wearing the same tried and true, red-and-blue outfit with a splash of yellow, the Man of Steel held a press conference in New York's Grand Central Station yesterday and announced his plans for the future.

Reminding everyone that he made his first appearance in 1938, he told the ecstatic crowd that he was ready for a change. He came to this decision, he confided, after reading a quote by leadership guru Warren G. Bennis: "People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, fitting in instead of standing out."

Superman would like to star in a Broadway show next year. He said, "Spider-Man beat me to the punch, but I'm sure I'll have a better and safer show than that nitwit." Also, he's hoping to have his own Internet radio show soon. A talk show, tentatively titled: "Say It to Superman." And with Oprah gone from network TV, he thinks his chances are good for branching out to television in the near future.

And of course he plans to change his attire. He now considers the cape "kind of girlie," the tights, "too tight for a 73-year-old," and the boots "cumbersome and unwieldy." He needs something lighter and more modern as he admitted that, since his knee replacement surgery, it's hard to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

The new outfit must not only be lighter but it must also be very easy to change in and out of. "There are fewer and fewer telephone booths to serve as changing facilities," Superman said, pointing out that he's now usually forced to do quick changes in doorways or hallways.

In his reinvention project, the Man of Steel has sought assistance from Lady Gaga. "From wearing a meat dress to the choice of a giant-sized egg for transportation, she's the queen of reinvention," he pointed out, continuing, "This is the 21st century, y'gotta go with the flow."

For her part, Lady Gaga is currently keeping mum -- a "Poker Face," so to speak -- about the specifics of her advice. If rumors are correct, though, any and all of the following may be in the offing for Superman's future: tattoos, body piercings, blue-and-red hair dye, a Mohawk haircut, a live monkey, and a popemobile-type vehicle (Superman style!).

The Superman Reinvention Project is developing faster than a speeding bullet. Stay tuned for late-breaking details.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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