Isle of Wight based celebrity stalker, house burglar and petty criminal, Orlando Puckerbum has revealed that the secret behind lady Gaga's spectacular rise to prominence in the music and fashion worlds, can be attributed to one simple fact:
At some stage she was abducted by space aliens in flying saucer type UFO's, anally probed, and brainwashed, before being released back into the community.
Puckerbum insists that all the evidence points toward alien abduction.
"She wore a dress made of meat," he explained. "Only an alien would do something as daft as that. Can you imagine what would happen if you went walking about in Africa's Rift Valley in a dress made of meat? You'd get eaten by lions. That's what. It's why you don't get many UFO sightings in Africa. Even if they were to land in Africa, they'd get eaten by wildlife. Like lions. And tigers, and penguins and that."
Sources say that Puckerbum is currently planning to write a book, explaining how and why Lady Gaga has been abducted and probed by aliens in UFO spaceships, although apparently he freely admits that there is a great deal of research yet to do on the project.
One of Puckerbum's neighbours, allegedly a close friend, Lithuanian pole dancer, Anna Avaleggova, told Skoob Entertainment News:
"It all sounded a little bit crazy to me. But when he explained it one night over vodka and some herbal cigarettes - it all started to make sense. The nonsense she talks is a sure sign that somebody has been probing her ass. The high shoes are to stop her bottom from chafing from the probes, and the constant falling off pianos is because the aliens programmed her to not go above certain altitudes, lest rival aliens attempt to take her away and probe her bottom themselves. Orlando is genius. Yeah? The clincher in the argument for me, was when he presented the evidence in the Homer Simpson case in the United States. It is overwhelming. For sure."
More as we get it.
