The Very First American Idol Winner Kelly Clarkson Reveals Who Her Favorite and Least Favorite 2011 American Idol Contestants Are

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 27 March 2011


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A photo of the farm tractor that Carrie Underwood used to drive on her grandparents Oklahoma farm.

RALEIGH, North Carolina - Kelly Clarkson, the very first winner on American Idol performed before a sold-out crowd at The Nicotine Stained Ashtray Auditorium in Raleigh.

After the concert she spoke backstage with The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette's Coquet Eucalyptus. Kelly was asked who her favorite and least favorite AI contestants for this year are.

She grinned and said that she is not a betting woman but if she was she would bet her car, her truck, and her double-wide trailer on New York's Pia Toscano who is definitely her favorite to win.

Kelly said that Pia is probably the best singer to ever appear on AI and that includes her and the former Oklahoma farm girl Carrie Underwood.

Clarkson stated that Toscano has the whole 'package.' She is beautiful with a fantastic personality, she dresses ultra modern, her make up is perfect, her hair looks fabulous, and she has the type of figure that 97 percent of all American woman wish they had...oh and the girl can flat out sing her ass off!

Kelly laughed and remarked "And then there's my least favorite. And that is none other than that chubby little conceited, 'Hi y'all, lissen up, I-know-I'm-good' Georgia peach Lauren "Muffin Top" Alaina."

Clarkson shook her head and said that the 16-year-old from Georgia is definitely her least favorite contestant. Kelly who is one female who knows what it is to fight "The Battle of The Bulge" said that "Muffy" better be careful because if she keeps inhaling those Hostess Twinkies two at a time it won't be long before she starts looking like Wynonna Judd, except with blonde hair, pimples, and homework.

Several news programs including Tittle Tattle Tonight, Bedroom Pillow Talk, and iGossip have all stated that "Muffin Top's" arrogant attitude is going to definitely cause the American voter to turn away from her and vote for 12-year-old Thia Megia, Haley "Hot Pants" Reinhart, and Naima "The Jumpin' Sista" Adedapo.

All three publications have said that the American people will not vote for someone, male or female, who thinks that they have it made (e.g. Casey "Stand Up Bass" Abrams who let it go to his head after Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez told him that he was sexy).

"Muffy" Aliana stated that Casey is not at all sexy and that people only think he is because he is constantly going around using euphemisms for the words butt, breasts, and beaver.

Miss Alaina even divulged the fact that Naima Adedapo, who refers to herself as "The African Dancing Princess," told Casey two weeks ago that if he ever touches her badonkadonk (butt) again she will cast a Zimbabwean Zebra spell on him that would make his voice sound as horribly whining as Jerry Seinfelds and Gilbert Gottfrieds put together.

The word backstage at American Idol is that host Ryan Seacrest is still extremely angry that Lauren called him "Peaches" in front of 30 million people on the live show two weeks ago.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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