American Idol: The American Voters Vote To Send Casey Abrams Home - But The 3 Judges Holler Out "Not So Fast!"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 25 March 2011

image for American Idol: The American Voters Vote To Send Casey Abrams Home - But The 3 Judges Holler Out "Not So Fast!"
Steven Tyler's pet dog, Wally Walnuts. (photo courtesy of Cesar Millan).

LOS ANGELES - Casey Abrams and Stefano Langone stood in the American Idol spotlight which was now focused on the two who remained of the original bottom three singers for the week.

Host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest had already told Thia Megia, 12, (16 actually) that she was safe and she had furiously run back towards the other 8 contestants who were sitting all bunched up on the "Happy Couch" as happy as woodpeckers in a Popsicle stick factory.

Ryan now said that either Casey or Stefano would be going home as per the instructions of the American Idol votes. Casey looked at Stefano, Stefano looked at Casey, Ryan looked at the audience, and Steven Tyler looked at Pia Toscano's legs.

Finally after a 53-second pause for dramatic and theatrical affect Peaches said that the one that America had voted to send home was...Casey Abrams (and of course it goes without saying his silly looking gigantic stand up bass as well).

But wait, more dramatic theatrical drama. Peaches said that Casey could be saved by the judges if the three voted unanimously to award him the season's one and only (1) 'Save Card.'

So Seacrest smiled like the California cat that swallowed the Connecticut canary and handed Casey the microphone.

He told him that he would now have one last chance to sing for his life, which many felt was somewhat overly dramatic and kind of like saying that if Kirstie Alley, David Crosby, or Wynonna Judd did not lose 47 pounds by next Wednesday they would be handcuffed, arrested, and flown to the most desolate area of the Serengeti Desert.

So Casey, who by now looked as pale as the baby that Marcia Cross and Nicole Kidman could have if in fact Marcia and Nicole could somehow scientifically have a baby, was handed the microphone by the boyfriend of the gorgeously sexy Dancing With The Stars dancer Julianne Hough.

And Casey, when asked by Peaches what song he was going to sing for some strange reason, replied that he had picked the 1970s Helen Reddy hit song "I Am Woman."

And so the music started, and Mr. Abrams started singing. But after hearing about eight measures (roughly about 53 notes) Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson suddenly hollered out (as scripted) "Yo, yo, yo my white funky bearded stand up bass playing dawg stop right there bro.

You duzzn't have ta be singing dat jive ass Helen Reddy song, dawg. I mean come on, forget about da fact dat it was pitchy all over da friggin place, but come on bro dawg, it is a song dat I have never ever heard any guy sing, and yo yo my slightly overweight dude, have I told ya dat I've worked wiff Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, The Beatles, and yes even Petula Clark, when I was three."

Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez chimed in and said, "Hey baby, we know you can sing papi, we know you are very talented honey. And darling, sweety, sugar pie I know that you like it when I call you sexy and I think that may be the reason that America voted to send you home was because of your remark last week where you were 'fishing' for a compliment by asking me, Jennifer Lopez, to tell you what you were."

Peaches then looked at Steven for a comment.

Tyler put down his copy of The Rolling Stone that he was reading and simply said, "Peaches, I got nuttin babe."

And so to quote the former actor and now Mickey D's fry cook Joaquin Phoenix, Casey Abrams was saved by the hair of his chinny chin chin to sing another day...and that day will be next Wednesday, 8 pm Eastern, 7 pm Central.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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