Wikisquirts Release: Source material for the next "Twilight" movie "Midnight at the Oasis"

Funny story written by Milo Malkavic Mendoza

Saturday, 1 January 2011


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Our WikiSquirts Los Angeles Bureau has been shut down indefinitely due to some "lease" conflict so our source has relocated to Crescent City. However, our source was able to gleen from a studio lot trashcan what appears to be the source material for the next installment in the Twilight Saga. What WikiSquirts was able to uncover will blow your... mind:

The movie starts out in a field of dandelions and thistles with Bella speaking in her poetic monotones about how tired she is of Edward lying to her all the time and of course Edward is just listening saying he's sorry for whatever she is drawling on about and trying to mash down on her which of course she can't resist so she spreads 'em wide to accept his dry and sterile seed.

Meanwhile in the woods Jacob (the Werewolf) is busy marking his territory and runs across Bella and "dead Ed" trying to squeeze out his last nut for like the 800,000th time. While Jacob is pacing, wondering whether or not to interrupt them by biting Edward's lily white ass Edward accidentally blows his love spooge out his asshole like a whale coming up for air - more than a little embarrassing even for a walking corpse like "fast Eddie".

Anyway this drives Jacob over the edge not because he's gay but because he still yearns to toss darling Bella's salad like every other man she encounters - gay dudes dig anyone's asshole really. So Jacob decides to take matters into his own… paws… and attack Edward when he's wiping off his ass cheeks. As Jacob emerges from the trees Bella sees him and commands him to stop, persuading him with a nylon 'Tuff' bone she just so happens to carry with her. This gives Edward time to pull up his drawers and try and change the subject. All of the sudden they notice playing in the park about 100 yards away none other than Edward Scissorhands and Wolverine from X Men!

This Edward Scissorhands (we'll call him "Snip, Snip") has aged even though he's kind of a walking freak like the other Edward - and Wolverine well he's just Wolverine - and they are just standing there comparing scissors and shit. Anyway as I was saying, "Snip, Snip" has aged a bit and he's missing a blade on one of his hands and other blades are all rusted and pocked so Wolverine is just laughing at him and impersonating him grooming a hedge and shit but not being able to clip a tree branch off just kind of twist it and pull on because his blades are such a mess. "Snip, Snip" is taking it all in stride playing along slapping at the underbrush all dressed up in his suspenders and high waters - Wolverine does a hand stand on his blades showing off - "Snip, Snip" calls him a machete face and they start running around playing grab ass - super gay.

This freaks Edward (the Vamp) out because he hates "stink blades " because they are considered such nice fuckers and yet they carve their initials on EVERYTHING! They are such cornballs! Anyway he looks to see if Jacob has notice these gay blades and what does he see? Jacob taking a shit! Disgusting!! Edward is so glad he hasn't had to do THAT in like 323 years. Anyway Bella can see that Edward (the Vamp) and Jacob are fixing to jump "Snip, Snip" and Hugh Jackman so she screams "STOP YOU TWO - CAN'T YOU SEE THEIR INTO ME AND WANT TO GIVE ME A HAIRCUT?!" Then she gets up off the ground and puts her bra and panties back on and shouts to "Snip, Snip" and Wolverine "guys I gave my hair a shampoo this morning so a dry cut is all I will need."

WikiSquirts sources say they have more material from that trashcan but will not be able to release it until they are able to have the dried egg sandwich removed by CSI Forensics team in Crescent City.

Further 'Squirts' to follow on this one for sure!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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