Arrest Warrant Out for Mick Jagger

Funny story written by Lorenzo Lee

Wednesday, 27 July 2005

image for Arrest Warrant Out for Mick Jagger
"What, Me Worry?"

London, England- According to Satan, the London Supreme Court has issued out an arrest warrant for one Sir Michael Philips Jagger, a.k.a., Mick Jagger, frontman for the Rolling Stones.

Jagger is being pursued for violation of a contract that he signed with the Devil in 1962. The contract stipulated that the Rolling Stones will be called the "World Greatest Rock n' Roll Band". However, the contract also stipulated, in fine print, that Jagger should die by age 62 .

Jagger just turned 62 on July 26. The Rolling Stones are set to embark on their latest world tour this coming August.

A spokesman for Jagger, who is currently in preparation for another massive Rolling Stones tour this August, had this to say: "Mick was only a boy when he signed that contract. He couldn't tell fine print from fine wine then. We will plead with the Devil. After all, Mick gave his tribute to him in the song 'Sympathy for the Devil'. What an ingrate that bloody devil is."

No word from Jagger's bandmate Keith Richards, who also signed the same contract with the Lord of Hades. Richards turns 62 in December. "Not to worry though, Richards is already among the living dead," a noted Rolling Stones scholar mentioned.

The current Rolling Stones tour is estimated to gross at least US$ 350 million alone. "That ought to be enough to buy out that contract!" Jagger's spokesman said.

Meanwhile, the hunt for Jagger has commenced. Official sources place him at the scene of the London bombings, but that could have been a decoy, authorities say. Others have seen him at Willie Wonka's factory, bathing in a chocolate tank.

The rest of the Stones have continued their rehearsals for the tour without Jagger. There is no comment from them as of yet, although they have mentioned that they plan to play free concerts at King's Cross, the CIA, the Netherlands and Luxemberg, and the Los Angeles County Jailhouse.

Charlie Watts, drummer of the Rolling Stones, says that he is "lucky" not to have been in the toilet that day when Jagger and Richards signed the contract with the Devil.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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