Heartbreak And Violence In Hollywood

Funny story written by Neil Levine

Monday, 18 July 2005

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The Color Of Money

Hollywood, New York, London, Dawson's Crick, Mars and Beyond Earth,the Milky Way. -Tom Cool is not content with breaking hearts everywhere. He now has gotten hot and heavy in a noisy row with the Bold and Beautiful Brooke Shields in a clash of egos unfit for use as "Collateral" or a "Minority Report."

Beginning with "Endless Love" and almost ending with "Taps," Mr. Cool has engaged in "Risky Business" as a "Top Gun" who knew "The Color of Money." But he has ended up a "Last Samurai" fighting a "War of the Words" with his "Eyes Wide Shut" "On A Mission Impossible."

Our Miss Brooks started out as a "Pretty Baby" who Wandered Nevada "Running Wild" until she "Freaked" because "Nothing Lasts Forever." After "The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery," she was "Gone But Not Forgotten" until she found charitable work in "The Easter Egg Adventure."

But before he went into battle against BS, Tom C. was married to "American Darling" Nicole Kidman who fought "Emmas War" for "Fur" and "The Human Stain." Currently, she is "Bewitched" as "The Interpreter" with "Happy Feet" for "American Darlings" in this "Wedding Season." If you think BenJen not Gigling as they acted up as "Daredevils," with Pink and Avril becoming their own bridesmaids you can get the picture.

To replace "Birthday Girl" Kidman, Tommy Boy is now seeing "First Daughter" Katie Home who Abandoned "Dawson's Creek" when "Batman Begins" as "The Gift." Katie the Cutie currently wants to "Thank You For Smoking" while "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" "Shame On You!!"

Keep in mind it was this very same Tommy Boy, born on the "Fourth of July" who made "All The Right Moves" serving "Cocktails" to Penelope Cruz under a "Vanilla Sky" only to Wake Up In Reno where the "Masked and Anonymous" actress whose Head was In The Clouds so heavily she had to head for "Sahara" to get over "Noel."

Not to worry. Even worse things are on tap from Hollywood. In her latest effort to create real melodrama, screen and stage actress Natalia Portman has lashed into the British Parliament, hoping to inspire movie lovers everywhere to enter a "Free Zone" where they can see "Goya's Ghosts" in a video world where in the "Last Days" "The Bad News Bears" engage in "Stealth" to"Go Sky High" because "Must Love Dogs."

This being the new world of cinema struggling with DVD merchandizing and internet broadcasting.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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