The Terrorist, The Bomber and the BBC

Funny story written by John Cavanagh

Monday, 18 July 2005

image for The Terrorist, The Bomber and the BBC
" . . . a betrayal of the sort of journalism that we are fostering here at the BBC."

LONDON (AP) - "Whether the London attacks were the work of a terrorist or a bomber is not the important thing", said BBC Director-General, Mark Thompson.

"The important thing is that all our staff here at the BBC are seen to hold the same view on the matter - the approved collective view. To depart from the accepted BBC view on this sort of thing, whatever that may be, would, in itself, be a betrayal of the sort of journalism that we are fostering here at the BBC."

"We adhere to this principle for a very important reason. We do it out of loyalty to our beloved British people. Today's Britons simply cannot be trusted to make up their own minds on big life and death issues. Let's face it; we're dealing with a latent mixture of some very racist and xenophobic people out there."

"If the BBC was not clear and unambiguous on what it stands for when such a crisis hits, that would leave it open for any Briton out there to hold his or her own particular view on a matter. This could lead to people holding views that have not been approved. So, accordingly, the British people intuitively know that it is much easier to just conform once again to the BBC world-view. They've done it since their birth. It just makes things work easier in this country."

"If the BBC fails to point the British people in the right direction on such big things, we'd certainly all be heading for one hell of an apocalyptic, clockwork-orange-type existence in Britain. This is a very small island. We can't just fill it with gangs, Beethoven and a bit of the old ultra violence."

"So we urge everyone to once again put your trust in the BBC; and go back to your ordinary lives. Don't be concerned with this. It really does not concern you. In any case, too much attention has already been placed on what has been said in this unfortunate episode; which is something of course to do with content. Please forget about content, and focus on the method of transmission."

"We, at the BBC, are tirelessly striving to bring you the latest information, education and entertainment on a brand new digital platform. When Britain finally goes digital, these awkward problems about content will instantly disappear. After all, a free and open debate inviting all sides is not important; it's the crispness of the vision that counts, and the ability to watch any event on television and believe that you're really there."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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